Trust and Knowing

These days, a lot of us are experiencing waves of uncertainty and fear, which can easily make us feel as though we will be dragged beneath the surface of the stormy sea which is life. Pandemic, losses of multiple kinds, unrest, feelings of instability, and a diminished sense of security can be more than a little overwhelming. Times like these are when we most need to draw deep from our inner reserves of trust and knowing in ourselves and in something greater. During times like these though, it is often the most difficult to remember that we can do so, or to feel as though there’s even anything to draw from.

The levels of stress crackling through the air for quite some time have worn a lot of us down, including myself. For a prolonged period I, like many of you, experienced so many difficult things that I had become increasingly ill and depressed. I had completely lost touch with my greatest sources of joy and comfort, which are my creativity and spirituality. Increasingly I am remembering that I am neither helpless or hopeless. I’d simply relinquished my power to remain strong, at peace, and happy. Yes, I used the word simply. Even though it feels a lot more complicated than that, it really isn’t.

I’ve recognized that many age old spiritual and philosophical sayings exist for good reason. It isn’t that I didn’t believe so in the past, I just still had more growth and learning to do in order to more deeply understand. It’s as though everything had to be stripped away in order for me to fully grasp certain concepts. A major one for myself was to learn that taking care of yourself first is a necessity. In looking back on my life, there have been many times I’ve repeated some lessons over and over again and thought that I’d finally gotten it, only to find myself in similar circumstances. My initial responses after those issues reared their ugly heads again were to be very hard on myself about it and/or to sit in a state of shock over how life can be so cruel. It has become a lot more clear in the last while though.

We each have our individual, as well as our collective issues which are so ingrained and deep that it can take many times of experiencing them to finally heal and move on from. Sadly for some it doesn’t happen at all, while others seem to get through it all faster. Is it due to personal failing? I feel it goes much deeper than that. It’s always easier to say from the outside that a person hasn’t tried hard enough, didn’t get it, was stupid, and so forth (or to think those things about ourselves). However, none of us know the full extent of a person’s traumas, indoctrination, what their wiring is like, or any number of factors. For many of us, it takes years to realize the extent of all of those things in our own lives.

In closing I want to say that I’m seeing the low points as big opportunities to make huge leaps of learning and to move on even better than before. Sometimes it doesn’t feel or look like it, I know! Next time a low hits, I’m going to do my best to remember this, and I hope that someone else who might need to hear it comes across this post at just the right time. Be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to feel upset, sad, angry, and hurt. Those are cues that we can look at when the feelings pass to see what we need in order to move forward feeling strong, happy, fulfilled, and at peace. In my own experience so far, the biggest hurdles I’ve had to leap were words and thoughts which were never my own to begin with, but had gotten so deeply and repeatedly put in front of me that I adopted them. I’m sure that many of you can relate. Don’t give up. I know that I sure won’t.

Wishing you all peace and happiness!


Winter Solstice

Today marks the Winter solstice here in the northern hemisphere. Even though my body finds the colder months to be not as friendly as it ages, I still look forward to this solstice each year. It’s the perfect time for introspection, as after the longest night of the year, there is a return of more light with each passing day. It marks new beginnings to come, and we are now in the getting ready phase.

The themes of introspection during the dark time of the year center around what we may need to heal, nurture, and release in order to make the most of the return to life which comes in the Spring. It’s a great time to set new things in motion, and examine the paths we are on. One of the hardest challenges we face when it comes to starting something new is in the letting go of what no longer works. It can feel soul wrenching to let go of something which once worked and no longer does, or maybe to have to let go of an illusion of what never truly worked in the first place (which can be one of the hardest things to acknowledge). Just remember that all has served a purpose in the deep learning we all undergo in order to reach higher levels in our being and happiness. The release of what is no longer working is what gives us room to become an even better version of ourselves.

No matter what type of changes enter our lives, intentional or circumstantial it can be difficult as we become comfortable, even when something isn’t working. So, take this dark time to go within. Meet the challenges of aligning with starting something new. It can be in one or several areas of life that one can see the need for either completely changing something, or finding a new approach. This deep, soul-level work is well worth it despite our natural inclination to resist change.

There’s no better time to find ourselves, make new discoveries, and put ourselves into alignment with our most authentic selves. This deep dive isn’t only about letting go, and the pain which can come along with it. It’s a great opportunity to tune in and listen to the clues we are always getting about the wonderful things we really want to do. It can be anything at all, as we are each on our own journey. Just be on the lookout for those clues that create the happy little hum you feel in your core, which tells you that you are on the right track, and plan to make those things happen!

Wishing you all a wonderful Winter Solstice, and many blessings as the light returns more with each passing day!

Let The Clearing Continue

Today started out a little rocky, but is turning out to be one of the better days I’ve had in a while. I’m still awaiting the surgery that I wrote about in my last post, so as with every day for the longest time I woke up exhausted, sick, and in pain. The last three nights have been atrocious for sleep too, which hasn’t been helping. This afternoon rolled around though, and I sat down to do my daily card reading which I resumed a few weeks ago. It has felt great to get back into that routine, and as time goes by it is becoming more natural. I’m tickled!

I went a little deeper with my reading today, and when I finished I was inspired to do something I haven’t done in a few years. After grabbing a few crystals which called to me, a favorite oil, and a sprig of rosemary, I went into a room where I can close the door, and put on some headphones. Then I created sacred space by cleansing, then lighting a candle, I got comfy with the crystals and went into a deep meditation. During this time, I did some work on my chakras and energy. When I was done, I ended up feeling better than I have in a long time!

This is something I’ve been longing to do for a long time, but just couldn’t break the blockages I’ve been experiencing. When it comes to doing the things that not only make my life better, they are a big part of what makes me, me this is a big deal. I’m also feeling the itch to start creating art and other things, but I’m not quite there yet. Today though felt like such a breakthrough, and now that I’ve started one of my most helpful routines, I am going to be doing it each and every day. While it will take a little while until it becomes second nature again (as with the cards), the feeling that I have after this afternoon’s session is more than enough to keep it up.

Little by little, I feel myself coming back to the person I have always been at my core. It’s exciting to me to think about this new version of myself, because while the deepest levels are the same, there can only be new and better things which will emerge after so much shadow work. Even though it has been an incredibly difficult handful of years, I have learned what feels like a lifetime’s worth of lessons, and I’m grateful for that. Finally getting this glimmer of myself today is something I felt I had to share. There’s still a lot of work to do, but now that I have experienced this feeling of being grounded and clear, I am seeing that ray of hope that everything is going to be okay.

For right now, continuing the work on myself is the top priority, because without that this space cannot be what it needs to be. While I continue with my progress, I’ll keep coming here to share things. One thing which has always been the case here is that what I share is not only for myself. There is the hope that whatever I post here may help to ignite something for someone else. This particular post is one of hope. If you’re out there going through a dark period, keep holding on. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like the light will ever return, but then it does, and it’s beautiful. I came very close to just giving up, more than once, because the onslaught of hardships was relentless and prolonged. Now that I’m coming out the other side though, I’m so glad that I didn’t surrender.

Wishing you peace, happiness, and hope. Until next time ❤