Flash Fiction ~ Gag Me With A Spoon

Why did it always have to be the nerdiest of the nerds who asked her out? Okay so, she could admit that she was a little on the geeky side, but nothing like the endless stream of dweebs that she seemed to be attracting. She was in the debate club because her dad told her that it would give her good practice for the courtroom when she finally graduated law school and joined his firm.

She also liked being right, and the debate club gave her plenty of opportunities to show just how right she was about most everything. Why though, people assumed that she wanted to date guys from the math and science clubs was beyond her. In her opinion, she was a much better match for the guys on the rugby and football teams. They always went for the dumb, slutty girls though, and she’d sooner jump off a bridge than dumb herself down for a date.

So, here she sat on yet another Friday night keeping her couch warm while she watched Netflix. Unable to take it anymore, she went to her room and got dressed up, determined to go to her favorite club and pick up a guy. She walked up to the bar, on thin high heels, and swung her long legs up onto a stool next to a hot guy. Wearing her one short skirt and low cut shirt, she felt bold and started talking to the man next to her.

This guy was on the rugby team and his body showed it. He smiled at her and offered to pay for her drink. Giving him a big smile, she accepted. As they continued to talk, she couldn’t believe her luck. He seemed interested. Finally though, a tall blonde slinked up to him, throwing her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on him that should have come with a warning label.

Admittedly confused, she was stunned as he introduced her to his girlfriend, who barely acknowledged her. Seeing the look on her face, he told her that he had been thinking that his buddy would like to meet a cool girl like her. Barely unable to contain her excitement, she agreed to meet him. Excusing himself, the guy went outside where it was quiet to call his friend.

When he came back, he explained that his friend didn’t like bars and asked if she’d consider going to his apartment for a cup of coffee. Against her better judgement, she took the address and made her way there. When she knocked on the door, a deep voice from inside called for her to let herself in. Thinking that he needed a few more minutes to get ready, she let herself in and said hello before sitting on the couch.

After a few moments, a door opened and out walked one of the guys from the debate team, who was also in the math club. She was beyond pissed. He sat next to her and told her how long he’d been waiting to get to know her better. He’d asked her out several times, and she’d said no each time. What was with this guy? She asked how she knew the guy from the bar, and he explained that he tutored him. She was trying to think of a way to get out of this gracefully when he stood up and asked her to follow him into the kitchen for coffee.

Watching him as he got the coffee ready she noted how thin and pale he was. Not only that, but his clothing had cheap written all over it. She snapped out of her reverie as he handed her a mug. He smiled at her and told her how beautiful she was. “I promise you that I’m going to make you feel special.”

Was he serious? “Get out of here. How many times do I have to tell you no before you finally get it? I’m not interested.”

He grabbed her arm. She was surprised at how strong he was. Pulling her in for a kiss, he made brief contact before she pushed him away from her. Indignation spread through her like a wildfire. Before she could get a word out, he was grabbing at her again, telling her what he wanted to do with her.

“Gag me with a spoon.”, she said. “You’re gross. I wouldn’t let you touch me with a ten foot pole.”

“As you wish.”, he said as he opened the silverware drawer. Grabbing her again, he took hold of her hair.

The last thing she saw was a shiny spoon, heading toward her face.

Bonus Post ~ Letter To My Younger Self

Yesterday, Miriam’s Well published a letter to my you younger self that I had sent in response to a call for submissions. Many of us have wished that our present day selves could go and have a chat with our younger selves about life. Sitting down to write this letter was a very healing experience. I highly recommend that some of you give it a try sometime.

To read the letter, please click here. Sure I could post it here, but I’d really like Miriam’s Well to get the traffic for being so kind as to publish my letter. Feel free to come back here to comment.❤

Dignity

For the purposes of this post, I am only using a few of the possible meanings of the title word of this post. To see the entire definition of the word, please click below: Dictionary.com

noun, plural dignities.
1.

bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2.

nobility or elevation of character; worthiness:

dignity of sentiments.

Dignity is one of those things which many of use do not give a whole lot of thought to for at least part of our lives. Either we do not think about it, or we hadn’t been taught the value of it. The hope is that at some point that we figure out how valuable it is, and how to restore it. We’ve all done things in our lives which may not have been in line with a sense of dignity. However, all things have the potential to lead us there.

The reason for that last line is that it would be very easy to feel so ashamed of things in the past that it feels as though we are not worthy of self-respect or a sense of dignity. Trust me, I get that. I also know that it is never too late. When we start putting the pieces of ourselves back together, all things are possible.

Perhaps we were taught or told as children that we weren’t worth much and we went through our lives believing this to one extent or another. That one is a tough nut to crack, yet with time and repetition, we can turn the volume of those ancient voices down or even hit the mute button. Once we realize that those negative messages were less about us and more about the person who planted them, it becomes simpler to let it all fade into the background. While working through all of that, it is key that we do not allow that realization to turn into anger, because that is not productive. Not only that, but we can turn it around and use those experiences to learn how to do better by ourselves and perhaps help others to do the same.

 Please try to remember that a desire to help others does not make their actions, or acceptance of the advice or example your responsibility. A few days ago, I read something to the effect of ‘caring is not the same as carrying’. I’m sure that it wasn’t worded exactly like that, and I do not remember where I read it, but the sentiment is one which automatically stuck with me.

Often, we can trace many of the things we’ve done of which we aren’t proud back to negative programming or events in our earlier years. This doesn’t give us a pass, but it does help us to understand the origins of our feelings and do something to avoid taking similar actions in the future. We should also be a little gentler on ourselves, or less harsh in our self judgements. Why? Because deeply holding onto guilt or shame over past actions or words does not propel us forward into reclaiming our dignity.

So how to we get to that place? Through a process of realizing the untruth in the old beliefs and messages which led to the loss or dimming of our dignity, and making a conscious decision to uncover who we really are. There may be things we’ve done for which there will always be a sense of shame. This doesn’t mean that there is no redemption, or that we are not worthy of having a better life.  Even though we cannot undo or unsay things, we can absolutely give ourselves permission to rise above them from here on out.