Warm breeze, sunshine bright
Fills the soul with such delight
Imbues sweet promise.
Warm breeze, sunshine bright
Fills the soul with such delight
Imbues sweet promise.
Grey skies and warm air
A Winter which feels like Spring
Enjoy while it lasts.
Another Samhain is upon us. In Celtic pagan tradition, Samhain, known to many today as Halloween, marks the new year. When I discovered this many years ago, it made a lot of sense to me, because with many things in life, there is darkness before there is light again. It certainly stands true when it comes to the growing of crops, as harvested seeds need time in darkness before they are ready to produce new life in the Spring. In ancient traditions, everyday life was very steeped in the turning of the natural wheel which I’ve always found to be beautiful in its simplicity.
This year, the concept of darkness before light is especially poignant for me. Much of the past twelve months have held a great deal of darkness, and I’ve even felt that it’s highly likely I’ve been going through what many would call a dark night of the soul. There have been huge changes in my health, relationships, and at times my convictions. There have been great losses, which have led to big gains when it comes to strength of both my character and in my abilities. This has been a major period of growth and transformation. There’s something about the absolute inertia which comes with autoimmune diseases which shook me to the core of my being. This, coupled with all of the other major changes had me wondering for a while if I had it in me to be able to bend enough so as not to break.
Here I am though, on this all hallows eve, finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. After being on a new medication for a little over a month, I was able to get out this past weekend and enjoy the company of a visiting family member. We hit several of the local watering holes, and even made our way up onto the Blue Ridge Parkway, where I not only made it up to the top of one of the mountains there, I even put my hiking boots on a trail and made it all the way to the end of it. Yes, I was hurting like hell and began to question my sanity for suggesting it about halfway through, but I pushed through and enjoyed every step of the way. I still have a long way to go, but to have hope again is a beautiful thing.
With all that has transpired this year, I am finding myself in a place of greater clarity about not only my direction, but my very identity. I’ve had a lot of down time to think about things, and come up with plans for new endeavors and twists in old ones. In the coming months, I’m going to be a lot more present online and there are exciting things in the works. While I’m not ready quite yet, as I’m still getting the medication into my system and working, I’m super excited to be rolling some things out in the not too distant future.
There is going to be a lot happening, and I’ll be bringing a lot of what I’ve learned over my years on my path to all of you. This time around, I’ll not only be writing about spirituality and witchy things, I’ll be putting together some products which will run the gamut from helpful and powerful, to just plain fun. Not to worry, I’ll be sharing a lot of knowledge which will be entirely free, and most of the items I’ll be offering will be very reasonable because I’ve always been of the belief that things of this nature should be easily accessible. There are other fun surprises in store, but I am going to keep them under wraps until I’m closer to rolling them out.
If any of you are struggling as I have been to get your feet back on your path, I’d like to suggest that you spend some time in stillness. Examine not only where you’d like to go, but where you’ve already been. Mercury went into retrograde today, where it will stay until November 20th, making this a good time to do a thorough review before proceeding. This particular retrograde is taking place in the sign of Scorpio which means that it will be important to carefully consider how to go forward. Even though it might be harsh at times, this planning process will be helped by the fact that this will be a time in which many truths will come to light. This will help all of us to have a clearer picture about ourselves, those around us, and what is behind the scenes in any endeavors we may be considering undertaking.
The retrograde period itself is a time to tie up any loose ends, read the fine print, expect some elements of the past to resurface, reminisce, think before speaking when it matters, fulfill current obligations, and wrap up unresolved issues. Once the retrograde ends, we will all be ready to move on to new things if that’s what we desire. At the very least, if we take all of the steps above, we will be ready to proceed on a smoother course with so many things clarified and cleared up. Last but not least, as with any mercury retrograde, be sure to keep electronic media backed up just in case.
For those of you who enjoy working with tarot or oracle cards, it’s always nice to take the time to do a reading for yourself for the upcoming year to help gain clarity and create a little road map for the months ahead. If you do not personally use cards or other forms of divination, it might be a good time to connect with a good practitioner to give you a reading and a bit of coaching.
It has been nice to come back to this space to write about spiritual matters, as it feels like it’s been forever. Be on the lookout for some shorter, more specific posts soon. If there’s anything spiritual or witchy you’d like me to write articles about, drop a comment and I’ll do my best. Wishing all of you the brightest of blessings!
Tilt your head, follow the sun
Ready the bird seed.
Morning chill returns
The air feels so crisp and bright
Smells of fog and leaves.
Summer’s hanging on
Parched, dry leaves too tired to fan
Hot air lays heavy.
Way back in my early years of blogging, I wrote a little bit about my life with chronic illness. As a brief catch up, for anyone who wasn’t here then and those who have perhaps forgotten, I’ll say a little about the past and move on. I’ve been dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, and a whole other wide array of symptoms for decades. I almost died of pneumonia at 2 and as a result my immune system was damaged, was diagnosed with osteoarthritis, mono and mild scoliosis at around age 13, chronic fatigue syndrome in my early twenties, fibromyalgia in my late twenties, and degenerative disc disease in my thirties. For the past six years, my family doctor has suspected an autoimmune disease but blood work never showed any markers.
Finally about three months ago, I was referred to a rheumatologist, at my request, because I was in the worst flare that I’ve had in at least ten years. This flare was relentless, lasting for almost two months with no sign of letting up. I’d been under great stress, which I’m sure is the catalyst for the flare. Earlier this month, I went back to the rheumatologist for a follow up. I was diagnosed with connective tissue disease, with some features of lupus and concern for developing psoriatic arthritis. The hope is that the doctor can get this contained before it goes full beast mode, as well as to prevent any further damage to my joints and connective tissue.
With high hopes, three weeks ago, I began taking Plaquenil, which is supposed to be the mildest therapy with the least side effects (except for the rare potential for blindness, nothing to be concerned about there). As the past three weeks wore on, I’ve only gotten sicker. More fatigued, more pain, nausea from hell, but I was willing to go through that thinking that it would swing in the other direction eventually. This was until a few days ago, when out of the blue, my knees felt like they were on fire and turned as red as a well cooked lobster. Over the course of a few hours, the redness dissipated but the joint pain was excruciating. Then, other joints in my body began hurting too and other symptoms set in as well. So, I called his office and was told to stop taking it immediately and to drink as much water as I can stand to help get the medication flushed out of my body. Who knows how long this will take, but I’m hoping not too long because frankly, this sucks. A new treatment plan will be coming up at some point in the near future. This makes me a bit nervous as that was the mildest treatment, but then again, something more intense might not be as bad as the reaction I’ve had to Plaquenil. Time will tell.
All I know is that right now, I’m in about month three of increasingly severe illness and feeling more than a little disappointed that the treatment has only made things worse so far. In my typical fashion however, I will not give up, nor will I let this keep me from getting back to the things that I love as soon as I am able to. The pain, fatigue, and brain fog have kept me from engaging in all of my usual creative activities but I’m sure that this won’t last forever. Just wanted to come here and let all of you know why I haven’t been around…and that I will be back…hopefully soon.
I’m grateful for a few people in my life, who have helped me to feel less isolated and have been so compassionate and understanding with my current decreased capacity. This experience is helping me to further clarify what I desire in my life, especially when it comes to my relationships with others. My circle is narrowing, as I move toward creating relationships which are healthy, reciprocal, positive, and fulfilling. Being this ill has taught me the wisdom of loving others, but loving myself more. Gone are the days of one sided relationships, and consistent energy sucking conversations. Most importantly, I’ve made the conscious decision to no longer be a receptacle for the negativity of others. Over the years, these types of relationships have taken their toll both mentally and physically and it has to stop, effective immediately. My health comes first, and that means conserving my energy for healthy relationships and activities which bring joy to my life, and hopefully that of others. It’s past time to bring more positivity back into my life.
This has been a really long post. If you’ve made it this far, thank you! I’ll see you again, hopefully very soon, and hopefully with something creative to share.
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