Word Of The Year For 2018

I would have normally had my word for the year chosen long before now. This year though has been so full of ups and downs that it had completely slipped my mind until my best friend mentioned it a few weeks ago. Ever since then, I’ve been digging deep to think of what I’d like to choose as my word for next year (which is rapidly approaching).

2017 has been a rough one, and I’m pretty glad to see it going. To be fair, I’ve learned a lot about life and myself this year, but I have to say that it could have been a lot gentler.  I’ve had an ass kicking of epic proportions! Who am I to question though? The way that the past several months have gone has been so extreme that I’ll likely be picking up some of the pieces for a while to come. However, I’ve always been willing to roll my sleeves up and work on whatever needs to be done and this time is no different in that aspect. The good thing about times like these is that the comeback always sees me stronger, and better than before.

So, without further adieu, my word for 2018 is “Trust”. For a while, the word confidence was in the running, but for where I am at this moment, trust is the better choice. Not only that, but I have come to believe that confidence is a part of trust. For if there is no trust in ourselves, in the richness of life, in the goodness of people in general, in love, and in the knowledge that we can always grow and achieve, that there can be no confidence.

I’ve spent the past several weeks in a state of suspension, and have reminded myself on a daily basis to trust that everything would level out and that I’ll be up and creating again before I know it. For a little while, I tried to push myself to get back into the swing of things and found that I simply wasn’t ready. So, instead of making matters worse than they already were, I learned to be still…be with myself…even be depressed…all so that I could practice trust in the process of my own renewal.

There will be some changes coming in 2018, both here and in my life behind the scenes. My art will be making a comeback, only it will be more of a throwback as I’m finding myself inspired to revisit some art forms which have been dormant for a few years. As I cleaned out my art supply area about a week ago, I was flipping through old sketch books and art journals, to discover that there were a few areas in which I was gaining proficiency. Not to mention…I remembered how much flipping fun it was working on those pieces. There will be more poetry to come as well, not only haiku.

As for the other things I have in store…well, we’ll all just have to wait and see them as they unfurl, myself included. I’m in the middle of a major revamp, but due to recent events, things are moving in baby steps. I’m okay with that…it feels good to take my time and flesh things out…to study…to plan. I will say that it’s definitely exciting and unlike anything I’ve ever offered before. How is it all going to look? I can’t honestly say, but…

I have trust! ❤

Here’s to new beginnings

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Sunday Morning Reflections

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I’ve been sitting here in the stillness writing poetry this morning, with my trusty cup of coffee by my side and it has reminded me of just how good life can be. The quiet peace of a Sunday morning is something which I haven’t been still enough to enjoy for a while, and it feels pretty great to just sit and take it in. Earlier, I went outside to enjoy the early Fall coolness and take a few photos of the heavy fog which wrapped the city. There is just something about the hush of a misty early morning that’s so relaxing, and at least for me, creatively inspiring.

This time of year seems to be when I really thrive as a creator. My imagination kicks into high gear and I find myself slipping into quiet solitude as often as possible. It’s when both words and paint seem to flow at their best, and I find myself reaching for a good book or knitting needles. It’s a good time to plan and daydream.

There’s no real reason for this post. I have just enjoyed my morning so much that I’m filled with gratitude for the simple pleasures I’ve had. It felt like something that I wanted to share, because it has been a while since this particular feeling of calm contentment has washed over me. As I’m prone to do, I thought I’d come here and open up a bit about things and ask all of you what types of things help you to get in the zone. As always, I’m not asking you to share it here, unless you feel called to. I always enjoy opening up a dialogue about what makes people’s hearts sing.

Glimpse Into My Day

Today has been a wonderful day of happy surprises and beautiful things. First and foremost, my best friend from way back in the fifth grade is having a VERY special day today and I couldn’t be more tickled. Only thing that would have made it better would be if I could have been there .

Before my day got started I had a few conversations with friends both old and new, as well as getting to hear a voice that always makes me smile while having coffee.

My day is being spent gloriously happy. I’m editing my poetry book.

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I got an early delivery of a massive amount of acrylic paint to further explore my newfound painting method, which someone was sweet enough to surprise me with. I have more paint sitting here which was gifted to me by my sister, but I won’t be unboxing that until she is here visiting. Can’t wait to see them! Last night I came across a fantastic sale on canvases and ordered a batch of 20- 16×20″. So, be prepared to see a lot of new art posts in the near future.

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Last but not least, I ordered some flowers last week from a local florist and she called to let me know that they were in. I’ve been craving a big bouquet of peonies and hydrangeas for the past few years and decided to treat myself.

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Now that I’ve gotten all of the deliveries in the door, it’s time to get back to editing. Just thought I’d share a glimpse of my day with all of you. Hope that you are having some happy moments of your own today.

Love Letter ~ Beauty

Dear beautiful souls,

When you think about beauty, what first springs to mind? Is it some spectacular vision of a person of supermodel caliber? Is it an amazing natural vista? Perhaps a masterful piece of art or music? Yes, of course, it could be any of those things. Most of us appreciate those types of beauty. What about the more simple things though?

There are those times when it feels more difficult than others to find beauty. Right now, so many of us are feeling unsettled by so many events happening in the world around us which made this love letter an especially important one for me to write. With some many things in our every day lives which hold so much beauty, read on for a list of simple, but powerful things of beauty for those times in which it might seem more difficult than usual to see it.

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  • That first luxurious moment upon waking in the morning when you drift warmly between sleep and waking.
  • The small moments of silence when there are no electronics running in the background.
  • The rich aroma of freshly brewing coffee.
  • Sharing laughter with our loved ones, friends, and at particularly beautiful moments with total strangers.
  • Hearing the voices of the people who make our worlds a brighter place.
  • Being enfolded into the embrace of those who make us feel safe…who embody the feeling of being home.
  • Opening a window and feeling a fresh breeze on our faces.
  • Enjoying the warmth of sunshine streaming through a window on a chilly day.
  • The simple pleasure of spending time doing the little things we love to do.
  • Sinking into a nice hot bath or standing under an invigorating shower.
  • Feeling the thrill which comes with connecting with someone new.
  • The colors that come to life in the sky as the sun lowers in the evening.
  • Seeing the first pops of color in the Spring as flowers bloom or in Autumn as leaves change color.
  • Those magical, misty mornings when the fog swirls through the air as rain gently falls.
  • Reading a good book, or watching a good show or movie.
  • The smile on the face of a stranger as you hold the door for them as they balance bags and coffee.

Of course there are so many more things which are everyday events which are so beautiful, many even almost sensual. Think about first waking on a chilly morning, ensconced in soft warm blankets, and how good that feels. So simple, so beautiful. In these times of rapid change, it is so important to seek out and savor those small moments of beauty. Our attitudes and frame of mind are so powerful. Won’t you join me in seeking out the simple moments which make this life so breathtakingly gorgeous?

Much love,

Tracy

Love Letter ~ Love All Of You, Yes…All

Dear beautiful souls,

We all have parts of ourselves which feel more difficult to love than others. Today, I’m going to share with you one of the parts of myself which used to be my touchiest subject. Since I was a young child, I’ve been able to see and communicate with the dead. Not only that, but I’ve always known things that I’ve had no way of knowing. In my house, this was not cool. In my community, this was not cool. In my parent’s religion this was definitely not cool. It didn’t take long for me to learn to fear and loathe this part of myself. There was no support. I’m not telling you this in order to elicit pity. Those early trials have made coming to acceptance and love of this part of myself all the sweeter.

Over the years, the negative feelings which I had around that part of myself led to many different types of manifestations…psychological, emotional, and physical. By the time I finally realized that I could examine this aspect of me for myself, instead of going by everyone else’s word for it, a lot of damage had been done. My self-esteem was very low, I lived in a lot of fear because try as I might, I couldn’t just turn it off completely, and my immune system and weight were not in a good place due to all the stress. As a matter of fact, I’m still working on the repair aspect after almost four decades of imbalance.

So, what led me to seeing things for myself? After many years, I was able to turn around and look at all of the people who had told me how “bad” this part of me was. Let me tell you, they were no role models. I’m not saying that they were all horrible people. It’s just that all of them had their own stuff and some of it was way more damning than my stuff. Nope, this isn’t about judgement of them either. That phase is also in the past. Admittedly, I carried some anger around for a while. At the same time I was able to look objectively at that particular aspect of myself and see it for what it really is, a gift.

The best advice that I can give to any of you who are on the road to loving all of yourselves is this…begin to think for yourself. Ask yourself how YOU really feel about that part of you. At first it might be easier to ask how you would see someone else who shared that particular trait or aspect with you. It is my best guess that most of you will say that you’d accept whatever it is in someone else with no questions, or at least without harsh judgement. See what happened there? You’re no different. Begin to see yourself through the lenses of your own eyes. Let others worry about their own views.

Of course, if you find after very careful examination that there is a part of you which doesn’t fit with who you really are and who you aspire to be, you can begin to do something about it. Something which doesn’t involve hate or blame. Love that part of yourself and thank it for its lessons, then begin to shift more in the direction of who you truly are and what values you wish to embrace. There’s no need for judgement. It only keeps you low for longer than you need to be.

Love yourselves with all you’ve got. You are the only you that will ever be…and you are amazing!

Much love,

Tracy

Love Letter ~ Right Where You Are

Dear beautiful souls,

In this fast-paced world that we live in, many of us have gotten so accustomed to looking at life through the lens of time, instead of in the moment. From a young age we are taught to prepare for “someday”, “the future”, and to “look back at our mistakes”. While a little bit of planning and reflection are not bad things, always living or looking to the past and future make self acceptance and overall success and satisfaction difficult.

After all, if we are constantly looking at our perhaps less than ideal current conditions, blaming ourselves due to the past, it truly isn’t productive. At the same time, if we are always looking to the future for ways to improve our lives or our selves, that isn’t productive either.

There’s a lot to be said for this very moment, right here, right now. When we retrain ourselves or deepen our awareness and appreciation for what is in front of us at any given moment, a brilliant thing happens. All of that stress we’ve been carrying around like a monkey on our back because we’ve been looking back at all of our mistakes? Gone. The anxiety we feel about not only how we’re going to get from point a to point b, but if we’re even capable of achieving it? Gone.

Being present in the now is one of the biggest gifts which we can give to ourselves. You see, when you take away the shame and blame of the past and the fear about the future, what you’re left with is an increased appreciation for yourself, your life, and what is around you. It opens the doors to ever increasing self love, clarity, and relaxation. It’s so much easier to find solutions to things when we are focused on the present moment, as opposed to trying to figure out every possible outcome or fork in the road or comparing to the past.

Please, give yourself permission to release yourself from the chains of time. Be here, now. Taking off the filters of someday and yesterday is like turning on the windshield wipers when it’s pouring rain…everything clears right up. What we did or didn’t do in the past is just that…past. What might happen next year if x,y, or z does or doesn’t happen is just a maybe.

The one piece in time which we always have some control over is now. Learning to live in the now takes practice, just like any new skill. No matter what your path in life, there’s a lot to be learned about being in the now from Zen Buddhism. So, if you find yourself looking for tips and advice on living in the moment try looking at a few Zen websites or checking out a book or two (just so you know, I’m not a Buddhist, I just have a deep appreciation for the philosophy). Making our way into the present is making our way to a beautiful, calmer, more joyful life, which is my wish for each and every one of us.

With love and wishes for ever growing peace and happiness,

Tracy ❤

 

 

Sometimes There Is No Point

The typical Monday here usually consists of a post in which I write about a particular issue with the aim of making a point or to attempt to induce a positive way of thought about whatever the topic is. Well, sometimes there simply is no point to make. Most of the time, when I force a point into existence it feels…well…forced.

So for today, I’m going to let the notion of making a point go and just talk about my life a little. Lately, much to my pleasure, I can honestly say that things have been really good. For the past few months, I’ve been experimenting with some lifestyle changes in order to get my health on a better track. While I’m still working some kinks out, I feel as though I’m getting closer to finding the right balance with nutrition and exercise.

The greatest pleasure I’ve had in recent weeks has been the amazing people that I’m fortunate enough to consider friends and family. Many of my close friends live too far away to visit in person, but I get so much joy out of my chats with them on the phone or on Skype. Some of us do not get many opportunities to talk real often because we’re all busy, but when the relationship is deep and true, I’ve found that two people can go for extended periods of time without speaking and just pick right up with no awkwardness at all.

Not long ago, I went through another round of releasing what (and who) no longer fits and it has felt amazing. To be able to just let go, with no resentment, and especially for me, no guilt, is such a great experience. I’ve noticed that since I’ve set myself free from feelings of obligation to others who do not resonate with me that the way has been cleared for much richer relationship experiences. It has been liberating to surround myself with the people who I can just be myself with…people who I can talk about all kinds of stuff with, no matter how off the wall or geeky.

I’ve been allowing my inner nerd to come out and play a lot more in recent weeks and as weird as it might sound, I had no idea how big a part of myself I had been suppressing until I had the opportunity to indulge in the kind of geekiness which I hadn’t fully indulged in for more years than I care to admit. It has been akin to releasing the kraken. It’s like stepping back in time to an era which makes me feel very much at ease, and honestly enthusiastic. I’ll invite you to step into my personal wayback machine to get an idea of the brand of dorky which I’m fondly recapturing.

I’m talking about stuff I used to do with friends back in the day, like discussing advances in science or about the natural world, seeing who could come up with the coolest program in BASIC to make the most elaborate moving images (told you it was way back), watching sci-fi, staying up late into the night theorizing ways of solving practical issues, or bouncing back and forth with plot lines for stories or stanzas of poetry. Yeah…that kind of nerdy. Honestly, I’m in heaven.

This part of me, which many hadn’t really known about before (with the exception of a few people who’ve known me for a long time) is one which I had pushed into the recesses of myself in order to fit in better with the people I’d been surrounded with for many years, with those few exceptions who were my saving grace. Silly I know, but something which most of us have done at some point or another. Now that the beast has been unleashed, she won’t be going back into her cage anytime in the near future.

For someone with nothing to say, I seem to have done a good job at rambling on. In closing, I just want to send out a big thank you to the people who make my world a better place. You definitely know who you are, because I’ve either talked to you on the phone, emailed you, Skype chatted with you, or hung out with you in person in the past week. I’m a lucky girl indeed to have such amazing people in my life.