Embracing Introversion

This morning, I sat in appreciation of the quiet time before the city truly wakes up. It’s often the best time of day for me, as an introvert. The few precious hours before anyone is stirring and wishing to communicate are priceless. For those who are sensitive, creative, and/or introverts this alone time to simply be in one’s own space and company is a necessity. We often ignore or neglect this need, because our society wasn’t geared around those traits.

From early childhood, we are taught that we are supposed to surround ourselves with others and strive to be on the go almost constantly in order to be successful, or even “normal”. Many introverts buck against their inherent personality in order to fit in, and at times even wonder what’s wrong with them for not fitting into the extrovert mold. I sure used to!

It’s unfortunate that it took something like the social isolation of a pandemic and my own extended illness to have it sink in that I don’t need to force myself to be someone I’m not in order to have a fulfilling life. After two years of so many people practicing social distancing and creating bubbles of trusted others in order to try to avoid becoming ill or make others ill, I clearly saw that those years of forcing myself to be more social than I had the energy for didn’t make my life better for having done so. Actually, it made no change at all except for depleting myself. I wish I hadn’t been too ill to really run with it, but the knowledge alone is a treasure.

All of this makes me wonder how many other introverts had similar epiphanies during this time. Now that things are returning to what many consider normal in terms of the social whirlwind, I think it’s important that introverts work to retain the space we need. As for myself, when I push myself beyond my endurance with socializing, things feel like they are spinning. I lose myself sense of being grounded and present.

Not only that but I lose my ability to focus and create, because my energy stores are too depleted. Another way I’ve started to think about all of this is that creating things whether art, writing, music, or any other thing adds tremendous enrichment to our world. While we may struggle with those who do not understand how our creative process works, it’s not a battle worth undertaking as what we put out into the world is appreciated and needed. Even by some of those who might give us a hard time about the amount of space we need to put it out there.

At the end of the day though, it isn’t about them or anyone else. The point is that we all thrive in different ways and have not only the right but the responsibility to do so, because the world needs all of us to be shining. Just think of all of the wonderful things which wouldn’t exist if we were all the same. A key thing to remember is that we do not need a global pandemic to have our need for space validated, or for it to be a handy reason for taking it. While it can be hard to say no, I feel that now is the perfect time to build that muscle before we forget how.

So, dear readers how many of you have had similar realizations about your own lives during the last few years and what do you plan to do with what you’ve discovered?

New Beginnings

After many years on this blog, it felt like the perfect time for a fresh start. I’ve been mostly absent from this space for several years for various reasons, but I feel like the best way to put it succinctly is that I’m undergoing a life reboot. For quite some time, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to come back to the blogging world. Once I decided to work my way back into it, there was some inner debate as to whether to keep this blog alive, or to begin a new one.

As you can see, my decision was to keep this one and start over. The “Pull Up A Toadstool” name is one which I still love and feel still suits me, so here I am. There will still be random types of content, like in the old days. However, I have undergone so many changes in the past several years that it was time to start fresh and move forward in ways which reflect the person I’ve become. It’s exciting!

I cannot say that I will be here regularly yet, but the goal is to get to that point. Health issues have been the main theme in my life, and frankly I’ve spent the vast majority of the past few years in what can best be described as a void. There has been no art, writing, physical activity, and very little socializing. It has been a blur of severe flare-ups (of mostly my CFS with a little help from other conditions), with the accompanying fatigue, pain, and brain fog. In the last few months though, I’ve been seeing glimmers of hope.

In many ways I’m at square one, because my physical state is weakened. That’s just the reality after spending over two years mostly on the couch or in bed. The good news though, is that I’ve been able to resume a little more activity around the house and spend more time in an upright position. The biggest thing right now is to slowly attempt to build back some physical endurance, which has historically brought the brain fog and creative energy back to more functionality. As I have never been in a severe state for this long, I have no idea how long the rebuilding process will take this time.

There is a degree of worry that my condition has progressed to a point that my level of functioning just won’t be what I’d like it to be in order to do all of the things I wish to do. But and this is a big but, for the first time in well over a year I am feeling those glimmers of interest in the things that I love to do. So, I’m shoving the worry aside and getting to work on rebuilding from the ground up. With all that has transpired in recent years, I feel a bit like a phoenix, making my rise from the ashes.

If there are any of you still here from before, I’m glad you’ve stuck around. For anyone new who discovers this space, welcome! I’ll be back as soon as possible with something to say or show to all of you.