Shaping Our World

This morning, I started out by writing an extremely rare rant post. When I got to the end of it, I realized that the point of the thing was not really to complain about the myriad of things that aren’t quite right with the world. What I had really been working up to in that rant was the importance of realizing that we have more ability to create our own world than we often realize.

It can be easy these days to get bogged down in feelings of despair and helplessness, as the times we’re living in are full of uncertainty and turmoil. I’ll admit that for a while, it seemed to me that the solution was of almost utter isolation. Thankfully that mindset has been replaced with a deeper and firmer connection with ideals I’ve believed to be true for a very long time, but had buried in my misplaced desire for acceptance in spaces which do not fit me (thank goddess).

While I certainly am not going to be out roaming the streets among the masses of unmasked people, I have decided to ramp up my community building skills. We really can, to a very large degree, create a world which does fit us. A place to find joy, happiness, peace, compassion, and very importantly, connection. Connection with the world around us, connection with that which is greater than ourselves, connection with other people. Even in the midst of difficulty, we do have the power to do all of this.

You may have noticed that I wrote of that with a lot of certainty, and it’s true, I did. This is because I know it to be true. In a time not too very long ago, I was (mostly) walking that path. There were some kinks to work out, both inner and outer, but it was more good than not. For a few years though, I had gotten sidetracked and lost my way. There were many lessons learned, slates were cleared. In those blank spaces, new things and people have been written and continue to be written all the time.

I’ve learned the huge value of my inherent ability to have, what they called, my head in the sand. Now more than ever I know that my head was not in the sand, it was in the clouds. I’m very grateful to say that it is now climbing back up there. It’s time to return to my ideals, along with some new ones I’ve adopted and get back to creating space and community which are uplifting, compassionate, creative, and loving. Time to wipe the tears, soothe the sorrow, and tame the frustration which comes with disconnecting from our sense of power, sense of belonging, and creative spirit. The direction has been reset, and I’ll be getting back to the work (which doesn’t feel at all like work) of creating an online space which reflects all of that.

Much love,

Tracy

Word of the Year ~ Mindfulness

In choosing my word for the year, I went back and forth a bit between the words love and mindfulness. For a few months, it was looking like the word love was going to be the word, because it is definitely something which I wish to foster more over the next 12 months. Last year could have easily been summed up into one word, and that word would have been – harsh.

2018 was filled with harsh lessons, health issues, and a good bit of general lack of direction for good measure. For the latter half of the year, I had found myself feeling quite lost. There were parts of myself which seemed to have all but disappeared, and I was on a mission to not only regain them, but to expand and improve them. So, when the time of year came to start choosing a word for this year I asked myself what word would encompass what I would need to foster the work that I was doing with all of the above.

The word love kept coming up, because one of the things which had seemed to change in me over the last year was my own feeling of love for the world at large…it had hardened a bit and there were a lot of feelings of mistrust for others and especially myself. Core parts of myself and my beliefs about things were rattled to their foundations. Then, I started to dig deeper and the word mindfulness just clicked into place as the word for 2019, because it encompasses not only a higher capacity for love, but many other things which will bring me closer to being the person I’ve always been at my deepest levels.

Definition of mindfulness 

1 : the quality or state of being mindful

2 : the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis also : such a state of awareness

I’ve been working with mindfulness for the past several months, and let me tell you, allowing myself to be more present with my state of being has been nothing short of amazing. The biggest thing I’ve noticed with this practice so far is that I’m becoming a lot less reactive. By being in the moment, acknowledging what is without judgement, or worse…overanalyzing things by diving into the past or trying to look to far ahead (which has always been hard for me), my life has begun to change in ways I’ve always wished for.

In just the last few months, I’ve seen a huge shift in my feelings about myself and the world. I am able to be much more of an observer of what is, and this has allowed me to be more appreciative and patient. The interesting thing about this is that at the same time, I am much more able to step back when needed, because my feelings of responsibility for and attachment to outcomes has done a complete turn around. This has been the most refreshing thing I’ve ever experienced, and that is not an exaggeration.

All of this has made it easier to transition back into a more creative state of being. This is something which I’m tremendously grateful for, because this was another one of the things that had taken a big hit over the past year or so, along with my sense of spirituality. Those two things are such an integral part of my core that it was literally painful to experience a prolonged period of time wondering if I’d find them again. Finding a mindfulness practice feels like it saved my life, perhaps literally.

Rather than staying stuck in the loop of trying to force myself to get back to “normal”, I learned to acknowledge and honor what was for a while. So, I spent a few months taking care of what absolutely needed to be done, checking in with how I was feeling, then sitting on my couch binge watching various shows on Netflix and Hulu. I learned to let go of my expectations of myself and others too. After a while, I had given myself permission to just be where I needed to be and enjoy the moment, instead of trying to rush myself through the process.

Before I go, I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me through this huge transition phase. 2018 taught me just how amazing some of the people in my life are. Here’s to a wonderful, and smoother 2019!

Much love ‚̧

 

Late Summer Magic

On a late Summer’s evening, the sound of a trumpet beckons people to come closer

The patio filled with music and voices of happy people enjoying the night air

Twinkling lights filling the garden with dancing colors, adding to the magic

Glances across the table, a brush of a hand, an intimate whisper, secret smiles

How quickly life can change, transforming tears into hope and burgeoning love

It is moments such as these which remind us of how sweet life can be

Filling hearts with memories and desires for a cascade of the riches of togetherness.