Sunday Morning Reflections

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I’ve been sitting here in the stillness writing poetry this morning, with my trusty cup of coffee by my side and it has reminded me of just how good life can be. The quiet peace of a Sunday morning is something which I haven’t been still enough to enjoy for a while, and it feels pretty great to just sit and take it in. Earlier, I went outside to enjoy the early Fall coolness and take a few photos of the heavy fog which wrapped the city. There is just something about the hush of a misty early morning that’s so relaxing, and at least for me, creatively inspiring.

This time of year seems to be when I really thrive as a creator. My imagination kicks into high gear and I find myself slipping into quiet solitude as often as possible. It’s when both words and paint seem to flow at their best, and I find myself reaching for a good book or knitting needles. It’s a good time to plan and daydream.

There’s no real reason for this post. I have just enjoyed my morning so much that I’m filled with gratitude for the simple pleasures I’ve had. It felt like something that I wanted to share, because it has been a while since this particular feeling of calm contentment has washed over me. As I’m prone to do, I thought I’d come here and open up a bit about things and ask all of you what types of things help you to get in the zone. As always, I’m not asking you to share it here, unless you feel called to. I always enjoy opening up a dialogue about what makes people’s hearts sing.

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Still Around

While I have nothing creative to share with you today, I wanted to let all of you know that I’m still here. Right now things are still in a state of suspended animation and may very well remain that way for a few more weeks. Over the last two days, I’ve at least been able to be still and sit in my own space without feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin. Part of this is because I know that I need to allow myself to be with my thoughts, another part is that I truly feel the desire for solitude right now, and the final part is that my autoimmune and neurological issues have reared their heads in a pretty big way and I know that I have to slow down.

Due to time constraints, not to mention the fact that my mind will only let me be inactive for so long, I’ll be making a creative comeback within the next week. I have a jam packed, wonderful October planned. For those of you out there who know me and worry…please don’t. I’m fine and I will be fine. I’m making plans for next week to keep me out of a rut. What I’ve learned over the years and in the past few weeks in an accelerated fashion is how important it is to strike a balance which honors who we are and what our needs are, and right here and now, my need is to be still and frankly…alone. I truly appreciate all of the love, support, and listening ears over the past few weeks. There is a need now however to turn inward for my answers for a few days. Not only that, but I need to trust those answers, and not second guess myself about them. There is one answer which I am already sure that I trust (yes J…you), but a few others which I need to reflect on.

One of the things I’ll be doing for the remainder of this week is devoting some quiet time to asking myself what all of that means for me right now.  So, while awaiting the other half of one particular puzzle to figure out where, if anywhere, they will choose to fit…I am stripping things down to the core of just me…where do I want to be…what do I want to be doing. These answers will be the same no matter what the outcome of the other situation is. Anything further than the very basics of my own personal stuff has to be put on hold for now, and that just has to be okay, no matter how trying and exhausting it may be. Be back soon with some creations to share!

I also wish to say a few words about the recent natural disaster taking place in the southern United States. My heart goes out to everyone impacted by the storm. I can’t even imagine what they are going through because I’ve never been through anything near that magnitude when it comes to the weather. It’s going to be a long road ahead for so many people as they rebuild and recover. Times like these make many of us more mindful of the lives of our fellow humans beings. Love and kindness go a long way… as do compassion and action (no matter how big or small we are capable of), each and every day…not just when tragedy strikes.

Be gentle and kind to yourselves too, please. ❤

Eclipse, Today And Beyond

As just about anyone who doesn’t live under a rock knows, today was the eclipse. Many of you who come here regularly have likely noticed that this has been one wild ride of a few weeks in my personal life. Things are still in a state of limbo, which happens to be one of my least favorite states of being that is. However, I was fortunate enough to be in the 99% path of totality for the solar eclipse.

While things were a lot different than they were supposed to be today, it wound up being a really nice day. My sister and I went out and headed down to the park to witness the eclipse which was visible from here in downtown Asheville, NC. It was spectacular and it was lovely to be able to experience it with her. After the eclipse itself was over, we roamed around and talked about a lot of things. More like, I talked and she mainly listened. This seems to be the usual state of things between the two of us…and I’m hoping to hear more about her aspirations and dreams this evening.

The actual eclipse is over, yet my own emotional state is eclipsed by whatever may be coming my way this week. Yes, I’m super nervous because all of the uncertainty…and knowing what I’d like the outcome to be. At the same time, I am fully aware that there is absolutely nothing that I can do about anything in this situation other than do my best to control what my own reaction will be. I’ve been attempting to make contingency plans and keeping myself in a state of beyond distraction while I await an undetermined day this week to sit down and have a conversation which is both anticipated and dreaded at the same time.

Instead of beating around the bush, I’ll just come out and say it…I fooled around and fell in love this year. Things have been unsure for a few months now, and the last few weeks have been nothing short of hellish. Yet, I’m forcing myself to allow a bit of hope until we sit down and talk later this week. This may or may not be a mistake, but until I know for sure I refuse to fully raise the white flag and wave it.

Until I am able to sit down and have this conversation this week, I am going to be taking a short break from things here on the blog. Last week, I poured myself into writing poetry and painting…because I may have gone completely bonkers otherwise. For now though, I need to stop and be with all that it going on. Unless something happens to postpone this chat, at least I’ll know one way or another…for sure…where I stand.

Coming here and sharing like this…in a way that isn’t fictionalized…isn’t the way I typically do things. Right now though, I find myself out of creative juice. Knowing that in just a few more days I’ll have more clarity has left me feeling a little like a deer in the headlights. It has to be okay now, and it has to be okay later. But for now, I just need to step back from writing and art.

In addition to hanging in the balance when it comes to my love life, I am in a state of major shifting otherwise too. I feel as though I’d be doing myself a disservice by continuing to run myself into the ground in an attempt to avoid even the tiniest bit of pain. It’s time to face the music and figure out which path I want to take next, with or without him.  The paths will be a bit different depending on how things go…but I still feel like I’m in need of making something of a road map to go by because I am at one of those pivotal points….one in which there has to be a major restructuring. It feels scary but long overdue.  I’ll be back soon…maybe in a few days…maybe in a week or so…but I will be back. I truly appreciate all of you!

Love,

Tracy

 

 

 

The Page Is Where A Poet…

Hello everyone,

Over the past several days, I’ve been posting some very emotional poetry. Even though I do not feel that it is necessary to come here and explain a few things, I will…just because…just to make things clear.

Poets not only smile, dance, and explore the world on the page. We also cry, bleed, heal, and process on the page. So, when you see poetry of the nature I’ve been posting lately it isn’t that I am looking for pity, or feeling like the world has ended. It simply means that I am hurting, and that poetry is a good way for me to allow the pain to wash through me.  Notice that I am only speaking for myself here. There may be others who use poems like these to try to garner attention or as cries for help. Mine are simply me, expressing what is in my heart and sharing all of that with whoever may read it, for a few reasons.

First and foremost…umm…I’m a poet and I love to write and read all sorts of poetry. Secondly, I’ve always believed that words are powerful tools for healing and understanding. Not to mention that painting pictures with words is a fantastic alternative way to share our vision of the world and ourselves.

I truly appreciate and welcome all of the support which I’ve received from those of you who have reached out. Please do not take this post as me asking any of you to back off or leave me alone. I just want anyone who may be wondering to know that I am way more resilient than to allow a broken heart to make me wave the white flag on life.  I will get through this, and I want to thank the dear people who have been so lovely and supportive. It just takes time. While I cannot promise that there won’t be any more of this heart wrenching material appearing here in the coming days or weeks, just know that I will be fine, and if I’m not…those of you who love and care about me will be the first to know.

I’ve enjoyed sharing a little bit more about what beats in the heart of this poet. Hope that for those of you who do not wax poetic yourselves, that this post has given you some insight as to how deeply poetry pervades the lives of those of us who imbibe.

Lots of love,

Tracy

Love Letter ~ Take The Leap

Dear beautiful souls,

I wanted to come here today and wish all of you a very happy holiday season. This will be my final post on Pull Up A Toadstool. On January 1st, 2017, I’ll be making the permanent move to my new site thepixiebaby.com.So, It seemed the perfect time to talk about the prevailing energy of the moment.

It is a time for new beginnings and to build on our foundations. I have talked to so many people in the past few weeks who are finding themselves experiencing tremendous growth and a readiness to take a bold leap into the life they’ve dreamed of. For many of us, the biggest hurdles we’ve had to leap are the limitations in our own mind. The messages of not being good enough, the fear of failure, the fear of success, old programming…and on it goes.

There is a definite change in the air for many right now. While the touch of fear still lingers, the desire for change and growth seems to be prevailing for many of us. We have this life to live and for many, our fears have kept us from living it. My final message to you from Pull Up A Toadstool is one of encouragement. The time is ripe to move ahead with our dreams and the plans of the last several years.

We are at the tail end of a 9 year cycle, which means that we are at a time of completion and setting our foundation for the next  9 year cycle. We have but a short time to set our firm intentions to begin reaping the benefits of releasing what no longer works and taking action in moving toward what makes our hearts beat with excitement. This isn’t to say that we have to have it “all together” by January 1st. Just that now is the time to get the energy firmly flowing in that direction.

The time that we are living in is tumultuous and exciting at the same time. There’s a lot to take in right now. Please remember to take care of yourselves in the midst of all of the hoopla. Allow time to just be, just breathe, and for a nice dose of joy and laughter. Taking care of all aspects of self is key right now. The era of wearing neglect of any sort as a badge of honor is over. Martyrdom is neither necessary or the goal, despite what you may have been taught. Self care is step number one in any endeavor.

In closing, I want to thank you for all of the years you’ve been with me here. I look forward to continuing our journey on the new site after the new year. Please be kind to yourselves and one another. Just remember that kindness is not the same as being a doormat. Balance in all things. Don’t be afraid to say no, don’t be afraid to say yes…it’s time to be your true self and build the life that reflects what you wish to see when you peer into the looking glass.

See you January 1st!

Much love,

Tracy

 

Thank You

Yesterday wrapped up my 60 Days Of Haiku project. I want to thank all of you who have been following along, and hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I have. Over the course of these past few months, I have developed an even deeper fondness for Haiku poetry, and just know that I’ll be doing more.

Things have been incredibly busy in my life lately, so bear with me if posts are a little sporadic for just a while. I will be here at least a few days a week and hope to be getting back into some artwork in the near future. Realistically, the art probably will not happen until after the holiday season wraps up, but hey…you never know.

As I settle into my new routines, I am finding that my biggest task at hand is finding a balance between work and personal life. This however, is a challenge that I am happy to have at the moment. I am very fortunate to have the wonderful friends and family that I have. The presence of such a lovely support team means a lot.

I’m hoping to sit down over the weekend and put together a thing or two for next week. Admittedly, I have no idea what that might be, so it looks like the muse is going to be leading the way.

Sending you much gratitude and wishing you a lovely weekend!

Much love,

Tracy

 

Love Letter ~ Do Unto Yourself As You Would Do Unto Others

Dear beautiful souls,

How many times have you heard the old adage to do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Probably more than you can shake a stick at, just as I have. I’ve come to realize that something important has been left out when it comes to this notion, which is the title of this post.

Have you ever thought about how much easier it would be to treat others kindly, if we were to begin with being kind to ourselves? Many of us are much more harsh with ourselves than we would ever dream of being with someone else. Now, before you go pointing the finger of blame at yourself for being guilty of that…stop. That’s what this post is all about.

The way that we think about and treat ourselves directly impacts how we treat and react to others. This is beside the point though, because this post is about us personally. Many of us were taught that it is selfish to think of ourselves and/or to live our lives through a lens of how our words and actions make other people feel. While it is important that we not go around with no regard to others at all, to imply that we are way less important than others is a recipe for a lot of heartache.

If only for a few weeks, please try something for me. Next time you find yourself downgrading yourself, reframe it somehow. If there’s something that you’re less than pleased with, instead of beating yourself up about it, ask how you can proactively begin changing it. Next time you judge yourself harshly for something that you have or haven’t said or done, instead of allowing those thoughts to snowball into excessive guilt and negativity, love yourself…imperfections and all…with an awareness of how it is that you can conduct yourself to maximize your happiness and satisfaction.

When we learn how to treat ourselves, so many other pieces of the puzzle automatically click into place. Remember to take things easy. It isn’t like any of us got the way that we are overnight. As time goes by, you may even realize that some of the things which you were taught were negatives about yourselves are anything but. Step by step, with patience and gentleness, you can find a balance in kindness which is for your highest good.

I’d love to hear a little about your own journeys on the road to treating yourselves with the same dignity and respect as you afford others.

Much love,

Tracy