New Views On Shadow Work and The Laws of Attraction

The past week has been very enlightening for me when it comes to the issues of attitude, law of attraction, shadow work, and negativity. I’ve had a tendency to take things to extremes when it comes to those types of things…well either that, or just throwing up my hands in confusion. I still stand by my assertion that we need to dip into our shadows (notice I say dip, not dwell) in order to find ourselves. I still stand by my assertion that it isn’t realistic to expect anyone to be all positive all the time.

Where my perspective has changed is in that I no longer believe that the goal of shadow work is to figure out the source of our trouble is with the end goal of making it go away or to permanently alter the effects. There was a part of me that always longed to find the source of my angst and to be able to completely work it out of my system, or to somehow be able to eliminate all negative effects of the past on my being. Then when I couldn’t manage that, I would feel guilty and blame myself for not being strong or enlightened enough to do it. This was so self sabotaging…not to mention limiting. Well, thanks to some very wise people and some time spent in reflection about this, my perspective has drastically been altered.

Not long ago I began doing forgiveness and parenting exercises…with myself.¬†While these exercises proved to be immensely powerful, I was still finding myself somewhat mired down and making as much progress as I would have liked. My awareness was brought to those exercises over the past week in the form of some brilliant conversations as well as a recorded interview which I listened to. Read on for my epiphany.

It isn’t necessary for me to keep taking the thorn covered brambles out of the compost pile for yet another look. It isn’t necessary for me to never again have a negative thought in order for me to attract a better life. What shifted? I am now integrating those exercises in forgiveness and parenting into my daily life, yes…even the shadows…especially the shadows!

Do we ever reach a point where the ugly stuff never rears its head again? I don’t think so. We always carry at least part of our past around with us. So, when it does show its face are we somehow failing by acknowledging it? Not thinking so here either. As of right now, I think that healing can be found when we can look at those thoughts, parts of ourselves, and past experiences which we know are holding us back and causing us pain in the following way. To acknowledge that they are there, and then to forgive and love ourselves…and the feelings. The point of the exercises in my opinion is to stop the punishment cycle within ourselves by feeding love into the fear and pain…much like a good and caring mother kisses the boo-boos on her little one’s knees.

Over the years, my viewpoints and approaches to many things have changed. I can’t promise you that what I’ve written about today will not shift at some point in the future as I learn and grow more. One of my beliefs which has never changed is that I see each and every person who ever enters my life as a teacher of sorts, so please share your (constructive) thoughts on this. I would love to hear what you think.

If you’re feeling stuck, I would love to help you to make a similar shift in your life with an intuitive teaching session, please contact me through the readings and intuitive services page. I’ll be adding information about this new service very soon!

Competition Among Light Workers?

In my years of experience in this arena, I’ve always seen a competitive spirit among light workers as a destructive force. My belief is that there is enough for everyone…there is no need to sabotage one another or to try to steal someone else’s ideas and clients. I have personally referred people to other workers, because I knew that they could be better served by them due to their needs.

Those of us who are energy workers, healers, psychics, mediums, sensitives, and whatever else can go into this category have been given a tremendous gift. The understanding that many light workers have is the knowledge of how much power lies in collective thought and emotion. How can we possibly create the world which we wish to live in if we are working against one another?

While many of us operate in very similar ways and can do the same type of work, the fact remains that compatibility matters. You and another worker may both be able to channel those who have crossed over, but it might be that the other worker is the one who will be able to connect in such a way that will give someone what they need, in the way that they need to receive it….or it may be that you and the other worker combined will give that person what it is that they need to begin to heal and grow.

Yes, it is normal to desire to be successful. It is the ego, however which can lead us down the path of competition and greed. There truly is enough out there for everyone. We live in a very abundant universe which is in desperate need of the people who inhabit it to understand that. We all have so much to offer to those seeking answers…as well as to one another.

Pap-Pap Was Right

I can remember my grandpa, who was always pap-pap to me, telling me when I was a teenager that life was short. Being so young, I couldn’t really identify with his words very much. He was a really great grandparent who played with his grandchildren before doing that was the “in” thing to do. When myself and my cousins were little, he made up our own version of hide and seek, in which he was the Big Bad Wolf. We always played around dusk and he was the one who would hide and our job was to try to avoid the big bad wolf. I lost count of how many times he jumped out from behind something growling and grabbing at us. That was the only time in my life that being scared shitless was actually fun.

My loud, hot-tempered, warm-hearted Italian grandfather was full of wisdom. There were some people who used to say that he was rude and crude, but he was one of those people who made the world feel safe to me when I was growing up. If he loved you, you knew it. If he didn’t, you knew that too. The older I get, the more I appreciate about him. He spoke his mind. You never had to wonder what he thought of something important, because you could ask him for his advice or opinion and he was always honest..without being mean. I could talk to him about anything.

One of the many wise things that he said to me which has come back to me with clarity was the one I mentioned at the beginning of this post about life being short. He told me that time seems to move faster when we get older, and that it was important to live your life…to do things that made you happy. Now here I am, at 43 years old and I am really starting to see how true his words were. In the past few years, a lot has happened which has brought home to me how fleeting time is.

It’s hard for me to believe that he has been gone for over 20 years, my mom for over 13 years, and now my dad is at the last stage of his life. My other grandparents are all long gone too, as well as other family and friends. I’ve seen a lot of illness in the past few years. While it hasn’t been easy, these experiences have been very eye-opening. Now, I totally get what pap-pap said.

Time flies by, no matter what we are doing with our lives. None of us know how long we have on this earth. This is what makes it so important to follow his advice and really live life, doing things that make us happy. He also said that I really shouldn’t give a damn what other people thought of what I did or who I was. Many years ago, someone accused me of being like him like it was a bad thing. They used the words, “you have the same attitude as your crazy dago grandfather”. The person who said this to me was lucky that they were someone who I would never dream of slapping, no matter how badly I wanted to. I feel the same now that I did then…proud to be like him.

He took good care of his family, but he still had fun. He built awesome homemade kites, took us fishing, went swimming with us, caught lightening bugs, drank his wine, played his harmonica…all kinds of stuff. Looking back at him at this very moment, I have such a deep appreciation for the gusto with which he lived. Not only that but I want to be more like him. I want to laugh, have a good time, love with all of my heart, speak my mind, and not give a damn what anyone thinks. Thanks for the advice pap-pap.

It’s Sharing Time ~ Powerful Healing Experience

Mother’s Day was a little over two weeks ago, and I have been meaning to sit down and write this post ever since. Way back in 2006, I had a miscarriage at five months into the pregnancy. From the early days of the pregnancy it was obvious that something wasn’t right. I had conceived twins, but only one had actually formed a baby. The other was something called a molar pregnancy, which is a rapidly growing body of cells. The actual baby was healthy, but the molar pregnancy made it highly unlikely that I would be able to carry the baby to term.

I was given the choice to terminate the pregnancy, but opted not to. My choice was to do everything within my power to carry the baby at least long enough that it would be able to live. I worked with specialists in Jacksonville, FL in conjunction with my regular OB/GYN and was put on bed rest. It still didn’t work. At a little over five months I woke up in the middle of the night in labor. Upon arrival at the emergency room, I was told that I would have to go through the entire delivery process even though nothing could be done to save the baby. Needless to say, I was horrified and devastated to know that I would be leaving empty armed.

After I had delivered the baby, they asked me if I wanted to see it or to know the sex of it. At the time, I simply couldn’t handle it and said no. They sent me home with the instructions that I would have to be sure not to conceive again for a year and return for weekly blood testing due to the molar pregnancy. The tissue from a molar pregnancy can begin to grow again for up to a year afterward and lead to the need for chemo. Thankfully, that did not happen. However, I went home and sank into the blackest depression I had ever experienced…then for the next year was faced with a weekly reminder of what had happened when I went for the blood tests.

Once I was feeling less raw, I began to regret not having looked at the baby or knowing the sex. It was around two years ago that I found out that the baby had been a girl. Last year, I consulted with a very gifted medium who mentioned my baby daughter without my prompting. She said that she was safe with my mother and that she knew how very much I loved her. This broke a barrier with me. I sobbed uncontrollably in both pain and relief. After that reading, I could feel the presence of my daughter around me at times. With time, that experience changed from one of heartbreak at not having her with me to one of comfort that she was around.

Finally, a few days before Mother’s Day of this year I decided that I wasn’t going to celebrate Mother’s Day at all. I felt very upset at the people in my life who had hindered me in feeling what I needed to feel throughout this experience. Never acknowledged as a mother; I was told to move on, that it was meant to be, to let it go, and other similar things. So, I stuffed it all as deep within myself as I could stuff it. What if they were right? What if allowing myself to reflect on it made me hurt longer? All of their words swam in my head constantly. Despite the fact that I did nothing but cry and sit in a dark room for months on end, I was still told by family and friends that it wasn’t good to let myself think about it…that I needed to see it as a blessing. Really? What the fuck?

When I woke up on Mother’s Day I made the decision to celebrate it for myself…as a mother. Just because I had returned from the hospital without a baby, I was still a mother. I had carried her inside my body for five months and lived in hope that she would be okay…and in fear that she wouldn’t. In the late morning on Mother’s Day, I went outside with my journal to write my feelings out. Then something which seems simple, but ended up flipping a switch happened. I finally began to call her by name. My ex-husband and I had chosen the name Layla for a girl. Just the act of acknowledging her name was so very healing for me. Even though I have not had children to date, and no longer entertain the idea due to my age and other factors, I will be celebrating Mother’s Day for myself from here on out.

More and more I am learning to listen to my own wisdom instead of looking outside of myself to be told how to feel about something or for validation of my worth or knowledge. It isn’t that I think that I know everything…I never will. However, I am being led more and more to forge my own way for a while. To allow myself to trust in who I am and in what I know. The cycle of not having enough belief in myself and my intuition has not served me well and it’s time to let go of that pattern. I’ll be going back into the knowledge that I already have…brushing up…putting back into practice…rededicating myself to my path. The big difference is that this time, I will be doing so without guilt or the need for validation or approval from anyone else.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It is a bit longer than usual, but after a few weeks of asking myself if this really needed to be said, I got a resounding yes. It is so important that we give ourselves permission to feel our feelings…that we trust in ourselves…that we learn to let go of input from others, or even from ourselves if it isn’t good for us…and we also have to trust that we KNOW when something isn’t good for us. Our shared experiences can be so powerful and healing for one another…and that is my reason for sharing.

Internet Free Weekends For Me

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This past weekend, I woke up on Saturday morning and decided…well more like listened to a gut instinct…to try going for the entire weekend without accessing the internet…no email, Facebook, Twitter, or blog…nothing. I went from Saturday late in the morning until just this morning. I decided to stay away from it on Monday as well because of the new moon and Mercury going retrograde…for me that just isn’t a productive combination. The longer I stayed away from the electronic world, the better I felt in so many ways. My muscles relaxed, my eyes didn’t hurt, my mind stopped its incessant chattering…I felt so much more connected to myself, the world around me…and even more clear and focused when working on my spiritual development and healing exercises. As a person who needs down time, away from a lot of external stimulus more than many, it stands to reason that being away from the internet a few days a week is a good move.

The non-stop onslaught of emails, newsletters, timelines, feeds, stories, videos, articles, and other miscellany is enough to make my head explode. When did living in the here and now without constant connection become not good enough? There’s a lot of great stuff on the internet for sure and I love being able to stay in touch with the people who matter to me no matter where they are. The question though is how much connection is healthy? I believe that the answer is different for everyone. However, I will make a blanket statement. I do not feel that the endless stream of stimulus and information is good for anyone. That’s right…I truly believe that we all need a break.

Are we really better off now that we know what everyone is doing every minute of every day? I think not. One has to wonder what we are doing to our minds and neural pathways by hardly ever letting them rest. Over the weekend I watched movies, read books, worked on some stuff that I never seem to have time for, and it was great. I didn’t work on any classes, I didn’t write, hell…I didn’t even paint. I just was, and I have to tell you that I’m already looking forward to doing it again next weekend.

Today I waded through my crammed inbox, got caught up on the materials for my painting class, and got somewhat caught up on social media. Before I did that though, I did something that I haven’t done in a good while. I got out for a few hours and walked the streets of downtown Asheville and I’m so glad that I did. Tomorrow I need to actually get some work done. The funny thing is that I feel more equipped than ever to be productive with my mind and body cleared. Do you have an opinion about the amount of information we expose ourselves to on a daily basis?

Spring Equinox, New Moon, Eclipse Spread

Below are photos of the two page spread which I made in honor of the Equinox and New Moon. As I wrote about last night, this is very powerful energy and can be utilized to clear as well as manifest major things. This spread represents my intentions. Also, I am including a photo of my Equinox altar. Everything included in these pages as well as the intentions that I set this morning were not just for myself…but for all of you.

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Letting Go…Moving Forward

The most difficult thing about this post for me will be keeping it short enough to be readable. What I am about to say here is a culmination of a few years worth of stuff. While it hasn’t all been bad, there have been several earthshaking events going on. Between illnesses of my own and some downright scary bad ones happening to people that I love…heart attacks, bypass surgeries, cancer, and deaths, it has been hard enough. In addition to what I’ve already listed I had a several year relationship come to a slow and painful halt, fell and dislocated a shoulder, broke a toe, been betrayed by what I thought were friends, and other things which were minor in comparison.

My best friend and partner in the Sisters In The Shadows project, who has had her own fair share of stuff, and I have been trying for well over a year to get our endeavor off the ground and we are slowly getting there. We released our first video call not long ago and have been brainstorming about the direction that we want to take things. In addition to this I’ve been having a little trouble maintaining balance with all of my other projects too…in the midst of all this other stuff. It hasn’t been easy. There have been times when I have felt my tenuous grip on sanity slipping. About a month ago, a friend and his wife came by and he gave me a reading. The reading indicated that the next few months would be difficult…wow, that’s no joke. The good part is that the reading showed things headed in a much better direction after this rough patch and I choose to believe that the good part is also true.

Tomorrow is a super event with the solstice, new moon, solar eclipse, and the sun moving into Aries tomorrow…the universe is packing a major power punch. I am beyond ready to work with it. Over the past few days I have been reading a great deal and watched a particularly great video which Tabitha sent to me. First though, I got an update from Raven Sinclaire who is someone who I haven’t met in person yet but lives here in Asheville. She does wonderful shamanic work and just seems like a cool person, and she was talking about our deep and dark parts coming out to be healed…as well as how difficulty leads to great change. She is right and her timing is perfect. She is offering a free 3 month Shamanic healing journey which begins in May. Click on her name above to go check it out.¬† Someday my goal is to work with her in person, but this free opportunity right now is so very appreciated!

Okay, now for the video that Tabitha sent along. It too is by someone here in Asheville who I haven’t met in person but I have seen her artwork (which I loved). Hali Karla interviewed Jamie Ridler of Jamie Ridler Studios in one of her Holistic Creative Chats, and asked what her creative practice was looking like in this season of her life. The answer that Jamie gave resonated with me so strongly that I am still vibrating! She talked about how showing up creatively every day, not having a narrow focus, and living joyfully was where she was at. What struck me so profoundly was how she discussed how she had felt pressure to pick a focus, both from others and in return from herself. Oh my do I get it! Should I focus on writing? Art? Sisters? A combination?

You feel guilty for letting something sit while you work on something else. You feel like you aren’t getting anything done. Nothing is further from the truth and I demonstrated this to myself just last week. Someone asked me what I had been doing and I was sitting here thinking, wow…I am going to sound so lame because I haven’t done anything. Then I began listing what I had been up to…and it was so far from nothing. I loved how Jamie said that she was never going to be that single purposed person. Creativity is what matters. So yes, I can be all of the things that I love. The trick is to show up with passion. I had sort of lost that, but it has been bubbling back up to the surface. Hence the title of this post…letting go, moving forward…

All of the bad, hard, ugly shit of the past few years has been necessary to progress in many ways. To realize what matters to me. To know myself better. To get to this place within myself where I do not feel like I have to pick one thing. To not feel like I owe any explanations to anyone. To be getting my happy back…even in the midst of hard times. I had lost my passion for things…but was managing to keep showing up, even if not as often as I liked. Now though, I find the music coming back into my space…the joy and excitement for my work…new ideas forming. I am feeling excited about jumping in happily and letting the ideas flow.

I have a few class ideas already in the works for Sisters and here, I have a vision with many of my WIP paintings, and I have also opened things back up for readings which you can check out here on my readings page or over at Sisters where you can work with me alone, or with me and Tabitha in tandem, and you can also learn about working with her alone too. I’ll be dusting off my writing projects. The beautiful part of all of this is that I am not making promises or timelines. When I get up tomorrow I will go where the muse takes me. That is not lacking discipline as I had previously thought…I just have to keep doing the work. Tomorrow, I will be taking the opportunity of honing in on all of this and setting intentions to get the flow opened back up…better than ever.