Energetically speaking, I am at a low point today. Today marks the ten year anniversary of my mother’s passing so even if nothing else had happened today, it would have been off kilter. Well, actually the anniversary was at around two in the morning. She had a lot of health problems, but her death was very sudden…a massive heart attack in the wee hours of the morning…at home. I literally watched her going through this, helplessly…waiting for an ambulance to come. They did eventually come, but she did not make it to the hospital alive. I will spare you the details because they are too awful. To this day and hopefully forever it was the most terrifying experience of my life. It’s both hard to believe that it’s been so long that she has been gone and at the same time it feels like forever . Last night, I turned the phones off fairly early because I just didn’t want to be disturbed…and I’m glad that I did. I missed a call at a little before midnight from a neighbor who was asking me to take them somewhere today. Although I did not call back I did send a text letting this person know that I wasn’t up to doing much of anything because my mood is not the best and I knew that my sleep would not be the good. Well, I got a reply…one word…okay… which let me know that the message was received…or so I thought.
When I finally got up today, there was another message from the same person…asking me to return the call by nine a.m. The call still has not been returned, because I have a right to have my space respected and I do not perceive the second request as being very respectful. Anyway…after I had been awake for a few minutes this morning I heard a tap at my door and thought that it was the neighbor. So, my plan was to open the door and nicely…yet firmly let it be known that I did not want to hear from anyone for the rest of the day. Thankfully I looked out of the peephole first because it wasn’t who I thought it was. Who was it?
Several months ago I severed ties with a person who had been a dear friend. I’ll try to make this story as brief as possible, but will begin by saying that you do not need to believe what I am about to say because I am aware that some people won’t. That’s perfectly fine because I do not expect to have people agree with or believe everything I have to say here. Okay, this person made a decision to work with demonic entities for reasons which I will never comprehend. By work with, that is exactly what I mean. It wasn’t a matter of foolish curiosity which some people have fallen into…this was honest to goodness seeking out dark entities and welcoming them in. I had seen a shift in this person’s demeanor happening over time and brought it up by letting the person know that I was aware that they were getting involved with something which wasn’t a good idea.
When faced with my statement, it was admitted and I said very clearly that a decision had to be made. I also made it clear that if the decision was made to continue on that path that I would need to say goodbye. Now, I did not abandon this person right away. I offered my help…even though I do not like to trifle with things of this nature. But, I cared enough about this person to take that leap. Let me also say that because of my effort to help…things around here got a little rough for me but I was willing to hang in there. After an extended period of indecision on the part of my old friend, I pushed a little and let them know that the time to make a decision was now because I was not willing to continue putting myself out on a limb unless there was a commitment on their part. Well, after some waffling there was a statement which indicated that this person was willing to work and be determined to change things. It became apparent after a brief time that this simply wasn’t true. A statement was even made to me that there was a reluctance on their part to let go of this because there was a part of them that liked it. So, I walked away and have not spoken to this person since that choice was made.
Here we are months later. Not long ago, I did get a message from this person asking me to let them know one way or another what my decision about our friendship was and that I would not be bothered again. I did not respond, because I have closed the doors to this energy and it wasn’t like I hadn’t told them already what would happen. It saddened me when the choice was made but it wasn’t my choice to make. Flash forward to today and the tap on the door. It was the person I have been writing about. When I saw them standing there my hand accidentally hit the security chain on the door and I know that they had to have heard it, but I did not open the door. I also saw that this person was holding something. I walked away from the door and went back a few minutes later. The person was gone, but what they had been carrying had been left at the door.
The only thing I was sure of at that point was that I was not about to bring it into my house because I am not taking a chance of bringing the energy on the items in. I work hard to keep a positive environment in my home and whatever was hanging around that stuff does not fit the bill. So after a while I put on a pair of gloves and opened the door. I performed a few tasks for cleansing and protection and then walked the items straight to the dumpster. Then I came back inside and cleansed some more. This person might feel as though I hate them, but that would not be the truth. I am sad…both for the decision with it’s consequences for them…and also for the loss of a friendship I treasured. However, the line was drawn and it has to remain the way it is for me.
In addition to the anniversary, the pestering phone calls, and the visit…a few other people whom I love dearly are going through a really tough time. So as you can see, today has just been an all around weird day and has left me tired to the bone. Plus I am dealing with all of the stuff that comes along with moving…which in and of itself is stressful…and I’ve also been going through a pretty rough patch with my fibromyalgia for the past few months. There will more than likely not be a tarot post again for tomorrow because my energy just isn’t very good right now and as I stated in a previous post, I do not touch my cards under certain circumstances and these ones definitely qualify.
Despite what I have gone through recently, I still know without a shadow of a doubt that things are moving in a positive direction in my life and that I will be just fine. Even a really bad day does not cause me to lose sight of that fact. One lesson I’ve definitely learned over the years is that life is not always easy, and there will be periods of time and things that happen which are downright difficult. As not only physical, but also spiritual beings there are all sorts of things and people we will encounter on our journey and all of it has a purpose…either to make us stronger, to teach us valuable lessons, and sometimes just to bring us joy.
The old friend who I was writing about earlier definitely taught me one of those lessons. The one that I got out of all of this is that while we do come into one another’s lives for a purpose, that it is always the choice of each individual what they will do with the lesson that the other person was sent to help them with. In addition, we have to know when our time with the situation has passed, and that sometimes we have to walk away…no matter how much we might want to stick around. A lot of us have the propensity to stick around and keep trying…either out of stubbornness or a true desire to help another person. We have to recognize when our roles have been fulfilled and be willing to acknowledge that no matter what we say or do that the other person holds the ultimate decision. It doesn’t mean that we have failed. Keep in mind though that there does come a time in certain situations that continuing to stubbornly hold on…to keep trying to get the other person to see the light becomes self defeating. All we can do is give it our best and if the other person makes a decision to keep going down a destructive path…walk away and let them do it with hope that some day, for their own good, they will get it. In the meantime we have to get on with our own journeys and not let ourselves get mired down. On that note, I’m going to end this post and get some rest and let myself recharge for tomorrow…which will hopefully be a brighter day.