Poetry ~ Rediscovery

Opening the door to a brand new me

Not that all has changed, but enough

Tossed and turned by truth, lies, and betrayal

In the wake, the question looms

Who am I now?

This place is exciting, freeing, and scary all at once

For there are parts of me which don’t seem to live here anymore

Not sure that this is a bad thing

Waiting for the dust to settle so that I can see clearly

I feel the need for some of the additions to my essentia

Yet, they worry me at the same time

New levels of distrust and caution have entered

These dangerous words have a dual edge which can free or cut

While needing to embrace more caution, for my own wellbeing

There’s resentment for the way in which I’ve been forced to let it in

Not sure if I truly want to absorb those feelings

For while they protect, they can steal precious life and joy

Yes, people, including myself are fucked up to infinity

Some though, storm the castle walls, tearing them to shreds

While wearing the guise of an ally

Intentional or not is irrelevant, for the destruction is all the same

They rip away sense of security, and the walls which were trained with blooms

The beautiful parts which when removed, strip away the verve

Things which make up the self

For a while, I’ll be sorting through the rubble

Tossing out the rubbish, repairing cracks in things I need to keep

And finding pieces to emerge stronger, both old and new

It’ll all be better than ever

Perhaps, someday I’ll be grateful for the lessons

For the beautiful phoenix who is rising from the ashes

Will be stronger, better, more joyful

For now though, I’m walking a fine line

Between the world of forgiveness

And hanging on to the reminders of what brought me here

So that the sword which felled the blow

Never has the chance to inflict another wound

Just going to let that one sit on the back burner

While I focus on rediscovering myself.

Mabon ~ Balance Between Light and Dark

It has been a while since I’ve written anything spiritual or to honor the cycles of life, so here I am. Mabon aka the Autumn equinox is a day in which there is a balance between light and dark. It is a day to look within and reflect on what we’ve accomplished over the previous months, and to examine whether there is anything in our lives which no longer fits. Before we turn inward over the Winter, it is the perfect time to give that last push toward what we wish to manifest.

I’ve always enjoyed this time of year a great deal, and this year things really kicked into high gear in my own life in terms of letting go and looking ahead. Just a few days ago, I was finally able to let go of a very toxic situation in my life after months of confusion and not honoring myself. The amount of relief that I felt, and the almost immediate shift toward embracing what makes me feel happy and fulfilled has been nothing short of drop dead gorgeous!

Over the past year, I entered into a situation which was in direct opposition to my deepest desires, what I stand for, and what I believe in. As the months wore on, I found that I was turning into someone barely recognizable to myself. Yet, I soldiered on and continued to wander through what rapidly turned into an emotional, mental, and spiritual wasteland. I pushed myself beyond my limits of acceptability in order to give someone the benefit of the doubt…and it cost me greatly (not gonna happen again). There’s no need to go into further detail because I’ve left all of that behind me.

Looking forward, not only can I see what I do not want, but I have more clarity about what I don’t. There will definitely be more caution about what I allow into my life, and I’m gaining a broader picture of the types of activities and things which suit who I am at my core. It feels so good to have the stress gone, and to be able to rebuild my life. To reclaim my life and power has been a feeling like no other. I’ll be working through the anger for some time, but that’s okay. Sometimes you just need to be pissed, sometimes anger is appropriate and can be used to bolster us as we learn how to thrive.

Throughout the day, I’ve spent a great deal of time envisioning my life as I wish it to be and in clearing out traces of the heavy energy which had gathered around me. Am I exhausted? You betcha! Is it worth it? Undoubtedly. Thankfully I have a month to heal and rest before seeing my best friend since the 5th grade in person for the first time in…well, a very long time. I’m diving more deeply into my art and working through more rounds of submission for my novel. I’ll be putting a lot more energy into my other work too…my writing, my coaching practice, my work in constructively helping others to embrace themselves…so many things.

Even though I’ve only been out of the situation for a few days, I’ve been very proactive…making contacts and gathering information. I am being a little tight lipped about some of my plans, because I have a lot to do over the upcoming months. As things continue to take shape, I’ll reveal more. For now though, I’ll say that things are about to get a lot more creative and busy around here. One other thing I’d like to share here today is that in November, I’ll possibly be adding a feline friend to my household. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, but have held back on for various reasons. I may throw caution to the wind and allow myself the joy of having a cat again.

In closing, I’d like to encourage anyone reading this to reach for what you want in life. Don’t be afraid to truly live and actively seek your joy. In that process there may be some painful truths and releases which need to happen, but don’t we all owe it to ourselves to work toward the fullest realization of ourselves which we possibly can?

Happy Mabon everyone!

Love,

Tracy

 

 

 

My Turn

First off, let me start by writing a little bit about why I have this blog and who I am as a person. The point of this blog is to put out expressions of personal thoughts, experiences, and even creative writing which are (for the most part) positive and moving or entertaining. There have been times in which I’ve come here and talked a little about the challenges in my life. With that being said, the point of those posts have always been to convey the valuable lessons I’ve been provided through the challenges or to demonstrate the truth that we always have the ability to choose how we handle and/or react to things.

In a nutshell, I show up here to give encouragement or to share my love for poetry and creative writing. This is meant to be a positive space-a place where people drop in to be reminded that life is largely what we make it and to gather perspective for those times when it might be a little more difficult to remember that we can choose. Now, I’ll get to the point of the post which is reflected in the title…my turn.

I understand that people face many challenges in their lives and that our experience on this planet is one of learning. We gather wisdom and perspective along the way, and learn throughout the course of our time here how to handle the challenges which we will all be presented with. Difficulty walks through the door of every one of our lives, as do joy and triumph. My job here is not to become a sounding board for how much someone’s life sucks.

Let me repeat that- My job here is not to be a repository for anyone’s negative thoughts or outlook. As a matter of fact, I am going to come right out and say it…leave that stuff somewhere else. While looking for the silver lining in everything may not be everyone’s cup of tea, that’s how I live my life and that’s what this entire blog is about. This is my creation of a space of upliftment, sharing experiences with a positive twist, and creative expression. Of course we all need encouragement from time to time…yes, even me.

If you find yourself here and wish to state your case for how life keeps kicking you in the ass and that you have absolutely no say in the matter, this is not the place for you. As a matter of fact, I’ve had people who have been discouraged from expressing themselves in a more positive way because someone negative had beat them to the punch in the comments section. So, I am claiming this space for its intended purpose and if need be, I will turn comment moderation back on in order to get things back on track.

To be clear, there is a big difference between asking for a little support and grumbling about how you view your life as worse than just about everyone’s, and we all know the difference. So here I am asking you to respect the rules of engagement here, which are simple. No overt negativity and no arguing your case for why things are always stacked against you. As a person with more than her fair share of challenges, I can manage to come here five days a week and very rarely mention said challenges in a way which sounds like a woe is me statement.

From here on out, any comments which are overtly negative will not be replied to and will likely be deleted.