When writing about this topic, I rewrote the title and first few lines many times in order to convey exactly what is on my mind. There are many of us who are very sensitive, and this makes navigating the waters of our society a little tricky at times. Below I will be making a list of what life is like for sensitives and how they can make it through life a little more comfortably. Maybe this post will even help those who have relationships with sensitives understand us better.
- Sensitives pick up on cues and feelings fairly easily. Once they know that something makes another person feel bad or stressed, they will do their best to avoid doing or saying what it is that causes the other person discomfort. This is one of the reasons why people like talking with us so much. It is okay to let go of guilt when you need to withdraw from some people who continue to engage in certain things despite repeated attempts at asking them to stop. In addition, it is okay to take a stand and/or to withdraw when someone tries to make you feel bad for asking for what you need or for voicing your feelings. It doesn’t make you less loving when you practice self-care and preservation.
- Sensitives care about those they love very deeply. They literally feel the pain of those that matter to them, making them feel terrible when there is nothing that they can do to help. When their friend suffers heartbreak, the sensitive feels it right along with them. When someone they care about is going through a rough spot, the sensitive feels the stress right along with them. Often, a sensitive person will not ask for help because they do not wish to cause stress for the people they care about. When a sensitive is asked for help by someone who they care about, it is painful for them to have to deny the request. Often, a sensitive will try to explain how much they hate it that they cannot help and ask for understanding. When this understanding isn’t given, the sensitive becomes stressed to the max and experiences pain that the person doesn’t seem to be respectful of them. This can sometimes lead to the sensitive needing to withdraw, because the amount of stress and heartache takes a physical toll.
- Sensitives can come across as indecisive due to the amount of time it takes to make a decision. When someone with a lesser degree of sensitivity is asked what they would like to do, they are often much quicker at answering. It isn’t that a sensitive is trying to be difficult by taking longer. It is that they are picking up on subtle cues and attempting to figure out which option would make everyone involved the happiest. When a less sensitive person gets annoyed with them for how long it is taking, the sensitive will often shut down because they feel badly that their attempt to make sure everyone was happy made someone upset. Sensitives will need to toy around with ways which will lessen the amount of time it takes to decide while still letting them feel good about their choices. In addition, they should understand that there is nothing wrong with the way that they are, and that they shouldn’t be subjected to mean-spirited ridicule or unkindness.
- Sensitives tend to be intuitive and compassionate. This often leads to others desiring to speak with their sensitive friends about their problems. At the same time, the sensitive can get burned out because of the depth and intensity of their feelings. Not only that, but people get so accustomed to speaking with the sensitive about their difficulties that relationships can slide into unhealthy patterns. There are people out there who will take advantage of the sensitive because they feel the need to have attention. This leads to the sensitive always being the listener or rescuer. Over time, the sensitive feels drained and realizes that things are imbalanced. They will often try to even out the scales and salvage the relationship. Sometimes this is successful, which is the desirable outcome. Oftentimes, it isn’t possible to balance things out. In these cases, the sensitive needs to understand that they aren’t doing anything wrong by pulling away. It is possible to still love and care for someone deeply, even when that person cannot be part of your life on a regular basis, or perhaps not at all.
- Sensitives need more time and space than many others do. Due to the intensity of their feelings and the impact of interacting with others (even when it’s good), the sensitive needs time to recharge their batteries a bit before joining the world again. For those less sensitive, this can feel like the sensitive is ignoring them or doesn’t care. The sensitive should to try to explain this at least once or twice. Many people, while they won’t be able to relate, will understand that you genuinely care about them. Some will not understand or care to try, which may lead to an end of the relationship. Sensitives should remember that they didn’t do anything wrong by simply being themselves, and that while they may spend less time with friends than many do, that their levels of compassion and caring make them desirable and worthy of friendship.