Hi everyone. It has been pretty quiet around here for a little while, other than the faces. I thought I’d come by and share what is going on with me right now. The first thing, which is the main reason it has been so quiet, is that I’ve had the flu for a week and it’s still got its grip on me. Right before that, I had a stomach virus. So, the month of February has been a rough one.
Right before I came down with this nasty bug, I had decided to suspend the tarot cards, at least for a while…maybe permanently. I’ve also removed the readings page from the site…also indefinitely. In addition, I deleted the Facebook group which I had been running for a while. It isn’t that I’m through with using my talents and abilities to help others…I just feel that it’s time to change the direction a bit. Before I had a chance to define the changes, even for myself, this flu hit me. I’m aware that this might be a good thing, because I’ve been forced to wait, as opposed to just jumping right into things without much thought as has been my not so successful habit.
While I’ve been too sick to give things a whole lot of thought, I do know one thing. Many years ago I had a blog (which no longer exists). That blog was very uplifting, positive, and honestly…more fun than this one has been in a long time…maybe ever. I have missed this side of myself. While making my statement without reservation…that I can read tarot, that I have a finely honed intuition, that I have the ability to make connections with those who have passed…was important, the time has come to reclaim that other part of me.
You see, for most of my life, I kept those parts of me tucked away. There were several reasons why I did that. The main reasons were the early disapproval and rejection by religion and family. There were many years which I lived in a state of shame and insecurity…and more than a little self loathing. While there were times during which I had worked with these things, there were always people from whom I kept it all a secret because of the fear of rejection. Then, something happened when I hit 40.
After all of those years of ups and downs, I claimed that part of myself in a big way. It became more important to me that I squashed the shame than it was to risk having people, mainly in my family, turn their backs on me. So, for the past three years, I’ve been wide out in the open…and until recently, it felt really good. Recently, I found myself thinking that it’s great that I have been open about that part of myself and am finally without shame. At the same time, I feel that it’s time to blend all of my parts together. To gain some balance.
It isn’t that I’ll never do readings again. I probably will…and it will happen when it is meant to…without me being out there every day, trying to convince people that they need a reading from me. This has never felt good. It isn’t that I’ll never post tarot cards again. I might…and if so, that’s fine…just not now. So, what am I going to be doing?
That is a question which I do not entirely have an answer to yet. I know that I’ll be doing more work in encouraging people to thrive from where they are, and getting the message out there that every life has value. As a person with chronic illnesses, it has taken me a long time to understand that I still have a lot to offer to the world. That old blog that I was telling you about was one which focused a lot on posts, stories, and activities which encouraged people to see the value in themselves. In addition to that, it was always my hope that I might put something out there which would cause those without chronic illnesses or other obstacles to be more compassionate and less dismissive. I also made a lot of silly, just for the fun of it posts on that old blog too, and I’d like to do some of those again because while most of you wouldn’t know it from the previous tone of this site…I am a goofball from way back.
So, those are the worlds which I am in the process of blending together. The pieces will fall together in due time. Until they do I’ll finish editing my novel, make some posts of the old variety, write posts on nature and the environment, make some more videos about various things, and keep making art. Who knows how it will all come together. I surely do not, and for the first time ever…I’m okay with that. I’ve settled into a space of being still and going with the flow of things…of observing and listening to the voice within. You know the one…the one that comes from inside the heart…the one that lights up and brightly says, “yes, that!”, when you are truly inspired to do something which just feels right.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I’m looking forward to putting some stuff together…as soon as I’m done healing from this flu. Sure hope that many of you will stick around. Not to worry…there will still be posts and videos on crystals and energy work because this is still very much a part of me. It always will be. As soon as I’m better…the whole me will be taking the wheel. Now that my open statement about the long rejected part of me has been out there for a while, I’m ready for there to be no more fragments. Time to climb out of my self imposed box and open up to life more.