For the longest time, I’ve been trying to figure out exactly which direction to take myself in when it comes to the work that I do. Nope, I still don’t have it exactly figured out and know that it will change over and over as time goes by. That’s the nature of life. Just this past few weeks, I was seriously thinking about stepping in as organizer for one of the local meetup groups in which the leader stepped down. For about a month I’ve been thinking of starting a group next year at some point, and that is still in the back of my mind as a possibility.
There was something about this group which was already in existence which kept me coming back to it again and again. I even sent an email to meetup to ask them what taking over this group would entail. At the same time I found my mind racing around practical questions such as if stepping into this type of role feels right, whether or not I would be physically reliable to take something like this on, if I even truly felt called to do something like this no matter whether now or next year, and whether the added financial expense was something that I wanted to assume right now. Of course there were more things that I thought about, but those were the main ones.
One of the things that keeps coming back to me is that writing has always been my number one passion, and that I would like to have the time and energy to devote to my art practice as well. Then, there is the matter of doing readings and energy work when they come up, not to mention the fact that while I love being social at times that I am primarily an introvert. It is not social anxiety…I have learned what the difference is over the years. Finally learning that difference has enabled me to finally let go of one of the things that I used to be questioned about both by others and by myself.
Well, I was supposed to go to a meetup group just this past Sunday on a topic which interested me very much. I did not get to go because I woke up on Sunday morning with a raging migraine and a cold. Yes, I know that people get migraines and colds every day. I also know that not everything has a deep meaning. However, I have been asking each night before I go to sleep for guidance about which direction my work needs to go in and one of those concerns was the meetup group. When I woke up that sick on Sunday, I took it as a message and immediately took the idea of taking over the meetup group which is available now off the table. Now is not the time, and if it never is that’s fine. I can do workshops for groups already in existence if I feel called to do so.
The way that I’m looking at it is that if something like that is in my future, it will happen. Then, a magical thing happened. For the first time in years, I had an inspiration flood in for a children’s story. I probably won’t be getting to it anytime this month because of NaNoWriMo. When I was in my twenties, I was into writing for kids…big time. Now that I’ve taken up art, the story idea came to me in both concept and in illustration. I’m going to start playing with the illustrations on weekends and evenings to see if I can get it worked out. No matter what I do, writing keeps coming back.
While no firm decisions about anything are being made on my part right now, my mind is staying open to the messages that are coming through…some as whispers…others more like a yell. Yes indeed, my word for the year is proving to be perfect. What feels good is keeping awareness around hearing without feeling the need to take immediate action. This is going to take me some time, because admittedly I have a tendency to dive right into things before thinking them through. So far so good!
Are you good at taking subtle cues and slowing down enough to truly receive them? Or are you more like I have been for most of my life and keep charging ahead until you have no choice but to stop and listen?