No Regrets Allowed

I find myself revisiting a lesson, making another circle on a well traveled spiral and digging deeper. This particular lesson is about letting go and being okay in the empty places left behind. The loss of my dad back in June has led me to dig deeper into what I wish for my life to look and feel like.

I have found myself looking at the things and people in my life realistically and deciding whether they still have a place there. There have been several things and people which I have chosen to let go of in the past few months. Let’s talk about the things first. I haven’t let go of goals and dreams. I have let go of the expectations that I held onto in regards to exactly how things should go, how I had to reach the goals I had set, and when I needed to do it by.

I’ve let go of making rigid demands of myself and then feeling guilty or paralyzed if I didn’t meet those demands. My father’s passing has reinforced the knowledge that life is fleeting…that there isn’t always a tomorrow…that priorities need to be examined to see if they should even be a priority…that time is of the essence and that we lose valuable time and space by keeping people and things in our lives which aren’t serving us in a positive way.

I used to wonder if I was ‘doing it right’. Now I wonder ‘does this feel right?’. I do visualizations even more than before. I am specific about what I would like to see there…just not on exactly how it is going to come about. My visualizations are now full of me doing things that I love, putting myself in an environment and surrounded by people that make my heart happy, and with feeling the joy and love which make life so beautiful.

We get so caught up in the how and when…and other minutiae…that we completely lose the spirit of our dreams. I realized that I had been doing this. The worries about the how and when had taken so much of my time and energy. I am making progress in learning how to live more intuitively, in the present moment, rather than trying to be such a planner. I’ve finally realized how much I was stressing myself out by looking too far into the past and seeing my perceived failures…and too far into the future to try to see exactly what steps I should take and how things ‘should’ look.

I finally understand that everything is right…right now…as long as I am listening to the voice within. Not the one that harps on me about everything…but the calmer, yet more enthusiastic one which tells me what I need at the very moment I am asking about. Sometimes I am guided to dive in and work. At other times I am guided to sit in the window and feel the breeze on my face or to put on my shoes and go for a walk. Instead of fighting against the sitting in the window or walking moments, I savor them…for inspiration is often found there…even if it isn’t apparent right away, and sometimes we just need to sit in the window with the breeze on our face for no other reason than our soul needs to do so. Sometimes we need to put on our shoes and walk because our soul and body need it.

Drifting away from some of the people in my life has been more challenging. As this is a pretty vulnerable time for me emotionally…seeing my already small circle get smaller has been very uncomfortable. I already have a big tendency toward introversion as it is, so there weren’t a lot of people in my life on a regular basis anyway. Now, there are a few less and this really bothered me for a while.

I saw the need though to let go of the relationships which I had outgrown, ones which were not a two way street, and ones which had either taken a turn for or always had been toxic. A few of the people I’ve needed to drift away from were ones who had been in my life for a very long time and these ones were difficult to let go of. What I am learning though is that in life we have to clear things out from time to time in order to make room for that which either furthers our lives in some way or fills a space with love, happiness, or mutual respect and concern.

I have no regrets for my past behaviors or relationships, because they were all valuable. Some of them only served as lessons in helping me to clear some of the blinders from my vision. Others filled my life with love and happiness for a time. I have no anger or remorse about any of it. I am thankful to each person and thing being released for what role they played in my life. I also have no desire to look back and question myself about these decisions. They were not made overnight, nor were they made lightly. They were made because I had to bring myself into a healthier place in order to keep growing.

How do you feel about letting go without regret?

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17 thoughts on “No Regrets Allowed

  1. “How do you feel about letting go without regret?” – I used to struggle with this. I used to allow people to remain in my life that didn’t deserve to be there, they made me feel bad about myself or they hurt me in some major way or they caused me to devalue myself. Several years ago I decided that I didn’t have to put up with that anymore and I “cleaned house”. I now do this on a somewhat regular basis. I take stock of the people I surround myself with and evaluate why they are in my world and why I am in theirs.

    In order for me to eliminate someone from my world still takes a whole lot, generally. I don’t remove someone from my life for small or trivial reasons and once I remove someone from my life there is no going back, I will not change my mind.

    The part that I still struggle with on this is the fact that other people see me as cold or uncaring for doing this. It does not change the fact that someone is gone from my life, that is done for my own sanity and health, but it hurts my heart when others do not understand why or how I could do that and it makes me wonder what they allow in their own lives. Blessings

    • I feel so encouraged by your comment. It’s so nice to have others to share things with. Not that we ‘need’ validation. It just feels nice to see others feeling many of the same things that we feel.

      • I completely agree … In my opinion, it helps to have like minded souls to bounce things off of, even when they don’t necessarily agree with us … And it is wonderful when we post about something we have struggled with or through and others KNOW exactly how we feel about it. I am also of the mind that it helps those who ghost and read but aren’t yet open and talking about all they are struggling through. I think it is wonderful that you share as openly as you do!

  2. The message to me recently has been to let go of anything that no longer serves my highest good. Your blog reinforced that. Wish me well on the journey to do just this, and purge! Blessed be, Kathryn

  3. This message of release and purge all that is not in my highest good keeps coming up, I need to pay attention. I just this past weekend unloaded a storage unit, i finally let some of it go that I had kept for years. I was ok with it. Very soon I’ll be moving on again. My children are scattered and the only way to see them is go where they are. I hope I do not regret leaving the ones here behind, ( all are grown ).But still..

    • Moorek51, this seems to be a widespread theme…the purging and releasing. Wow…the decision to get rid of the stored stuff and move is huge! I wish you nothing but happiness. Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.

  4. I fully understand. After the death of my Father this year, I had a tangible shift. I looked at everything and everyone differently. I’m still going through a period of indifference to things but also aware of stepping out of the detritus and away from those who wallow in it. Life is fleeting, Tracy and a big change has happened to you which makes you stop and “feel”. Do what’s right for you and don’t feel any form of regret. This was a fabulous post and I hope your new future path takes you to fulfilment. πŸ™‚

    • I wish you the same dear Jules. We both lost our fathers so close together. Even though we’re an ocean apart, I am glad knowing that you are there feeling many of the same things that I am feeling. Not glad about your loss…you know what I mean. Oh I get the indifference. I sort of lost my interest in many things for a while. Still not back to painting yet. It will come. And I sure do not let people get to me like they used to. I just can’t be bothered. There’s a life to live. I like how you worded it…stepping out of the detritus and away from those who wallow in it! Couldn’t have said it better my friend. You know I’m here for you too right? Anytime you need or want to talk…or whatever…reach out πŸ™‚ xx

  5. It’s hard to let go of things, esp. w/o regret. I think about how much crap I put up with in my first marriage, the alcoholism, lying, rifling through my room to find the hidden ATM and credit cards, hiding bills and general gaslighting and my only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner.

    • Yes, letting go is one of the hardest lessons that we have to learn. As for you feeling regret for not leaving sooner…that is a normal feeling to have. I just hope that you haven’t let that feeling grow into blaming yourself for things which you shouldn’t be blaming yourself for. We do what we feel is right when we are doing it. You definitely took a lot of lessons out of that relationship and hey…you made it out. *hugs*

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