This is a word that makes me sad just looking at it. However, we all have those times in our lives during which grief walks through the door and we have no choice but to entertain it. This is one of those times for me. A time of realizing that nothing will ever be the same. Knowing that some people will never be what it is that we’ve always needed for them to be and that some will go through hardships which we have absolutely no way of helping them to get out of.
Illness is striking my family left and right. This is bringing to light the emotional aspects of relationships and even myself which I’ve often ignored for years because the cold, hard truth is just too ugly to examine closely for very long. I’m not going to get into the emotional aspects because it just isn’t the time or place. But these not so light and bright parts of myself…yes…I can go there.
Sometimes it is easier for me to shut down and detach…even to react in anger when I am in pain or feeling extreme sadness. In the past several months, it has become known to me that this isn’t necessarily a good thing. Today, I woke up with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because of a few things which are going on, and I didn’t dare cry because I didn’t know if I could stop.
Luckily for me, a friend called and said that they were five minutes away and asked to stop by…and I said yes. Even though I didn’t intend to, I burst into tears and cried on his shoulder for a while. I didn’t want to let go fully in front of some because frankly, they do not need to have to deal with my grief as if is partly for them for whom I am grieving. Few people have ever seen me cry…but today…he sure did and I thank him from the bottom of my still, and possibly always healing heart.
Why am I writing about this? Because grief and deep sorrow are a part of life. We all have to deal with it at one or several points in our lives. I have been guilty of holding things in to the point of deep physical impact and know how far the effects of grief can go. Sometimes just knowing that we aren’t alone in these feelings is enough to keep us hanging on. Thanks to a few key people in my support system, I don’t feel like a ship in a stormy sea being tossed around without an anchor.
If you are going through some trying times…just know that you aren’t alone either. Even if no one in your circle of friends and family seems to be concerned…or if you cannot share with them because you worry about the impact of your grief on them…a candle is burning here for you. It may seem like a platitude but it really is true that there is always someone to turn to…someone who cares. Do not suffer in silence.