I remember the first time that I heard the song “Great Unknown” by Various Cruelties. It made me think about how our lives are largely a great unknown…especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes the end of a relationship is heart wrenching, and you wind up drowning in a pool of your tears as it all shatters around you. Sort of like the mirrors in the castle of the goblin king that burst into thousands of shards as he snatches what you love the most away from you. Others seem to flicker out so gradually that you wonder if it was all just a figment of your imagination.
Love is a complicated thing which seems as though it should be simple. Girl meets boy…they fall in love…and spend happily ever after together, holding onto one another’s hand and heart through the ups and downs of life…through the dreams and disappointments. It may happen for some but for many of us, there seems to be a series of glorious takeoffs, false starts, fizzles, duds, and the occasional nuclear meltdown.
New love is certainly exciting, but I think that there is something to be said for longevity as well. It might not have the fireworks and racing pulse of the early days, but there seems to be a gentle sweetness about it. A deep knowing…a bottomless understanding of another person…someone who understands you better than you understand yourself at times. I am not speaking from experience here and will openly admit that my longest relationship was six years…and my only marriage lasted for three. This might say something about me as a person…or maybe about my judgement in picking a mate…perhaps a combination of both…I don’t know. What I do know is that I love to see people in love. There is just something about it which makes my heart happy and gives me a feeling of hope for the rest of us. Not only that, but I always (okay usually) send a silent wish that the couple feels that way about one another always.
For the time being, I am in a limbo state…not really knowing what my future holds in this respect. None of us really do..I know that. It isn’t that I am in such a rush to be coupled up because I have plenty in my life to make me fulfilled and happy. I just wonder if there will ever be a day for me when I’m not living the first line of the song….
I know that I’ve been here before…packing up my suitcase, one foot out the door