It has been a while since I came here and really talked about something. Lately, there has been a lot of discussion with friends about dreams and goals…only these days, the conversations are framed a little bit differently. I thought that it would be good to talk about this here, because many of us have been missing out on something pretty important. How many times have you thought about your aspirations in terms of someday? If you are anything like me, you lost count somewhere around a million.
My life took an interesting turn back in 2005. I’ve mentioned this on other occasions, but it is important for this post. Right now, I am 42 years old…almost 43…and have had health issues for most of my life. After almost dying at the age of two from pneumonia and contracting mono when I was around thirteen, I never really made a complete recovery. After many years of being sick with no explanation for it, I was finally diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, otherwise known as myalgic encephalitis at the age of 23. It was always a little difficult for me to keep up in many ways, but I managed to do pretty well and had several remissions through my twenties and early thirties. I was also given a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. Honestly, I wonder if the two conditions aren’t just different manifestations of the same thing…but I digress. In 2005, I was rear ended at high speed and that was the event that changed everything.
For several years, despite the doctors telling me that I couldn’t, I continued to work…or at least attempted to. Not only did the accident exacerbate the CFS and Fibro, but it also created new issues in the form of spine and nerve conditions as well as arthritis. Well, I’ll admit that I sunk into a pretty big slump for a few years once I had no choice but to admit that life as I knew it was over. What does all this have to do with dreams coming true? I’m about to get to that. I’ve always loved writing and creativity. When I was a young girl and a teen, I dreamed of becoming a writer and living this amazing creative life. The images of what I dreamed of when I thought of that life are still vivid in my mind.
After things settled down for me…with my acceptance that my life was altered…I began to write again for the first time in over 15 years. Then about five years ago I began sketching, which led to picking up a paint brush about two years ago. Let me tell you, I always knew that I loved creative things but had no idea how much passion I would find until these past few years. The one thing that didn’t change however, were my feelings of failure in some aspects…the sentiment that maybe ‘someday’ I would be living my dream. Despite all of the joy and passion I was able to feel while creating, it was like I was living this shadow life of despair at the same time because physically things are so altered.
Well, just a few months ago I was sitting here feeling a little down about things…finances and the fact that I have been going through a lot as far as health issues go in the past year. Then I looked around my apartment and it hit me. It isn’t how I envisioned it when I was a kid, but I am already right in the middle of living my dream. My paintings cover the walls, I have notebooks and computer files full of writing…I never have to look far to see a manifestation of the creative spirit. Then it occurred to me that even though my health gets to me sometimes, that most of my days are good ones. I may be in pain but I am essentially happy. There is a lot of joy in my life.
More than anything I realized that the steps that I am taking and the work that I am doing are the very things which can bring the rest of my dream into reality. It isn’t like best selling authors or successful artists just wake up one day and bang out their fortune on their lunch break. So, now when I find myself feeling a little sorry for myself I remember…I am already in the midst of my dream. It isn’t out there somewhere or coming someday…it is now. Each and every day, I wake up and have the opportunity to do the things I’ve always dreamed of.
In what ways can you see your dreams coming true…even if they look different than you thought they would?