Lately I’ve been working through a class which I’ve signed up for online. The class is called ‘Coming Back to Life’ and it was put together by Jodi Chapman. I have a box over in the right sidebar which will take you to Jodi’s online space if you wish to check it out. I can’t say enough about how much this class is doing for me. Now, I’m not going to say that this class is easy. It is well put together and it is enjoyable. That being said…the questions posed in this class make you dig deep.
I’ve encountered things in the past few weeks which were lurking in my own depths which I may have had some small inklings of, but certainly not the scope. My immediate reaction was a huge a-ha moment and a sense of freedom from an almost obscured issue. The following day however, I found myself huddled in tears on a few occasions. Partly in sadness over how deeply pervasive our childhoods can be and how far reaching the consequences are…and partly because I could see by looking at myself how that issue had affected me in every aspect of my life…from education decisions, career decisions, and relationships both platonic and romantic.
After I had my little meltdown, I felt a shift. There are some physical issues which I cannot change, however I can change my attitude about my approach to things. I realize how much fear I had of success and happiness. I realize how that fear led me to poor decisions when it came to my academic and professional life. The one that hit me the most though was when I realized that I chose relationships which fulfilled my deep seated belief that for me to be happy was detrimental. Wow!
That might sound odd, but think about it. If you are taught from a very young age that your happiness and success will cause something bad to happen, the natural choice in friends and romantic partners are ones which will make sure that you won’t be happy. This realization hit me like a ton of lead. Talk about a mind blower!
Now though, in addition to the work I was already doing on healing some past emotional damage I feel more confident than ever that future choices will be made much differently. I’m not in a hurry, because I know that I need to assimilate this new information…but at least now I’ve exposed this myth to the light of day…which means that I can rewrite the prophecy.
Digging deep can be pretty painful, but it is proving to be worth it to me. To be stepping into a life of less fear and more peace, as well as gaining the courage to raise the bar of what I feel worthy and capable of…beyond priceless.