I just finished reading the latest post on a blog I’ve been following for a while. The post over at Rainbow Hues today gave Kajal’s answers to the “11 Things Which Every Woman Should Write Down Before The Year Ends” from the Oprah website. I loved reading her post and so…I’m going to follow her lead.
1. What younger you would like about present you:
That I’m finally getting the courage to follow my own path instead of allowing others to dictate it to me. Younger me used to sit on the bed with her back to the corner and cry, wondering why there was apparently something so wrong with her that her every move seemed to displease those she wanted to please the most. This might sound hardcore, but present me has learned not to give a damn about the approval of others. Opinions are welcomed but approval is completely superfluous.
2. The watched/read it list
I have been watching more TV than normal lately and have been a tad better about watching a few movies. It isn’t that I dislike movies, it’s just not easy for me to sit still and focus on something for that long unless it’s really good. Not long ago I re-watched “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, a few Tinkerbell movies (I know lol), also re-watched “Zeitgeist”, a few scary movies, and episodes of “Ghost Whisperer”, “Medium”, “Big Bang Theory”, and the original “Law & Order”. I’ve watched some other things too, but the list escapes me. I can remember watching a few movies that made me cry but don’t ask me to name them. As for reading…wow the list is way too long to even try to place here. I’ve been reading a lot of light fiction at night before sleep. During the day and evenings I’ve been reading some spiritual stuff, poetry, and articles about art.
3. The mistake you never want to make
Okay, I have two. This would be better worded as the mistakes that I never want to re-make. Way too many times in my life I have given my heart…completely wide open…to people who have exploited and abused it, and not just romantically. It isn’t that I no longer wish to give my heart. I just need to be more selective on whom I open it to. I also no longer wish to allow fear to keep me from pursuing my dreams. These two things are the two biggest mistakes I’ve already made and would not like to repeat.
4. Your ideal outfit
I have two here too. The first one is completely serious, the second is for fun but I honestly do like it and would wear it…though maybe a different color or less pink. A little pink goes a long way in my book.
5. A deep, dark–shh–secret
I don’t keep many secrets, but here is one which I might not have ever shared publicly. I have often had the desire to just disappear and let very, very few people know where I am…to just start over…to leave the past behind.
6. The most unexpected compliment you ever got
This is a tough one to answer without feeling as though one is bragging, which I truly dislike. One of the most difficult instructors I had in college was the woman who taught a some of the science courses…anatomy/physiology and microbiology to name a few. Well, I remember one day in class she was showing some slides and randomly choosing people to identify the type of cell we were looking at. Well, she pulled up this one and called me. This was my answer, “I have no idea what the hell I’m looking at there. This slide is a mess”, which elicited titters all around. She then asked if anyone else could identify it and no one could. She turned back to me and named the cell which I can’t remember now, but I said, “Wow, there’s no way that this is ______. The wall is completely wrong. I can see the markers in the center but the wall makes identification difficult for someone still learning this stuff. This is either a diseased cell or someone compromised the slide”. She asked me to stay after and I thought I was in deep shit. To my surprise she told me that she had always been impressed by my ‘brilliant mind’ and begged me to change my major. She told me that she felt that I was wasting my talents by sticking with what I had chosen. It blew my socks off to get such high praise from her!
7. That one quote
This quote is one which I try to be mindful of. It can change my frame of mind when I’m having one of those days where you just want to slap the hell out of someone.
Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not. ~Samuel Johnson
8. The best surprise you’ve ever had
Believe it or not, I have to give credit to my ex-husband here. One weekend morning, he asked me to get dressed but to get back into bed. He said that he wanted to make breakfast. Who would turn down such a rarity? So I did. A little while later he comes in and tells me to get my purse, so I jokingly asked him if he had burned our breakfast and followed him out the front door. He had rented a convertible sports car for the day and we drove up the coast to our favorite little town. It was an amazing day…wind in our hair…sunshine…it was lovely.
9. Your true happiness
My true happiness is found walking hand in hand with someone I love…wandering aimlessly through galleries, book stores, coffee houses, pubs, swimming in the ocean, walking in the forest…just soaking it all in. Finding things to giggle about…sharing private jokes and stolen kisses. Romance…truly makes me happy…nurtures my creativity…makes the world go round. This could also go into the deep, dark secret category…no secret that I’m a person who loves to create things…words, images, garments, etc…but what not many know is that I reach the height of inspiration when embroiled in romance. Probably not such a rare thing…I can’t speak for others…but it definitely makes me tick.
10. Your favorite failure
Not finishing my degree in nursing. As much as I love assisting others, I know that I wouldn’t have found bliss doing that for a living…I had even been thinking about going into pre-med. Since I’m admitting things here I may as well admit that I never finished a degree in anything…at least not yet. Back to my favorite failure…I was coming into the home stretch of the program when my mother had a massive heart attack right in front of me, and died. There was nothing that I could have done to save her. What made it so difficult is that we were working on the cardiovascular system at the time and it was too raw…too painful. I tried returning to class but could not. I was quite upset and felt like a failure for some time afterward, but I realized later that it had truly never been my dream. I’m still working on that part but am glad that I walked away from that.
11. An amendment to the bucket list
I’d like to cross off working with a crystal ball and add falling madly in love with the perfect man for me. I’m not looking to get married again. Not all the way opposed to it, but honestly do not find it necessary. I’m waiting for that guy…the one who makes the room light up and my heartbeat quicken…the one to wander aimlessly with…the one who can take care of business but also knows how to dance under the stars by the sea. Who knows if he’ll come around…but I’ve got other things on the bucket list to work on while I’m waiting to find out.
If you made it all the way through this post…thank you so much. I know that it was a long one. If you haven’t taken any time to do something like this today, I would like to encourage you to do so. Introspection such as this on the cusp of a new year helps to set the stage and find focus. You won’t regret taking the time…I sure don’t.