Until recently I’ve found myself bucking against acceptance. Accepting people, situations, and even myself as they are was something which I had come to believe was akin to resigning myself. As time goes by, I find my definitions changing. Accepting things as they are doesn’t mean that I like it…it doesn’t mean that I approve of it…hell, it sure doesn’t mean that I am settling for it. It’s more a matter of saying that this is how this person, situation, or the way that I am is right now and that’s alright. I can be at peace even while I realize that something has got to change.
By something, I mean myself really. I accomplish nothing by bucking against…by sinking into misery…wallowing in anger. Okay, I will say this much. Yes, for a little while it feels good to vent, be pissed off, and even to cry over people and situations. There are some who aspire to be and maybe even have made it to that place of perfect peace and happiness even while still being alive in their human skin. That’s all well and good for them, and honestly I am happy for them.
However, for me…the emotions…positive and not so much…are part of my experience. I do not hold onto the not so positive ones for long and I never have, because I am well aware that life is too short to hold onto ugly. I will defend myself, but to stay angry only hurts me. It serves no purpose. So, right now…at this moment in my life…the definition of peace is this…
To feel what I need to feel for a while and then shrug my shoulders and accept that this is just the way that things are at this moment in time…and then to find a way to change it for myself. That might mean distancing myself from someone or even saying goodbye…it might mean that I have to walk away from involvement in something because my continued work at it isn’t serving any positive need or purpose…it might mean that I have to look at myself in the mirror and admit that something about the way that I am going about my life isn’t right and so something about it.
Have you found that your definitions of things have changed over the years?