I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own perceptions, and I realize that there is no way that I’m the only one to think these thoughts. Up until not too long ago, I fully believed that there were certain things which we just had to feel a certain way about in order to consider ourselves spiritually evolved…or as though we had attained just the right level of maturity. Like what…you might ask?
I thought that we should believe the best of everyone, that we have to love our family, that if we are full enough of love and goodness that maybe the dark couldn’t touch us, that because someone says that they love us that it automatically means that they have our best interests at heart, and that if we are good enough to someone and truly love them that they wouldn’t intentionally mistreat/hurt/use us. Says who?! As you might have guessed, I do not feel that those sentiments are either necessary or inherently true any longer. Truth be told, I have had a sneaking suspicion about them for a long time, but then felt guilty for feeling that way. Yeah, I know…ridiculous, but aren’t most of us taught that we should believe all of that?
It would be fabulous if those things were true wouldn’t it? It’s just that there is very little which can be simplified to that degree. Thinking in absolutes, whether it’s optimistic or pessimistic falls short of where reality and truth are.
- It would be wonderful if we could think the best of everyone because everyone was doing their best, but we all know that sometimes it isn’t true…sometimes a person intentionally says/does things which they know to be hurtful because they just do not care…and not just because they are imperfect like the rest of us.
- It would be wonderful if love of family was a given, but sometimes the people whom we happen to be related by blood just suck…are rotten eggs…plain and simple. So tell me why it should be mandatory that we love someone just because they share our genes? Ummm…thinking that it shouldn’t.
- It would be fabulous if we could magically reach some magical full of love and goodness level which would make us untouchable to icky, bad, scary, sad situations and/or people. It just isn’t so! The icky, bad, scary, sad exists whether we wish to acknowledge it or not. We cannot erase circumstance any more than we can take away someone else’s free will. What we can do is decide how we will react and whether or not we will take any part of something.
- As for believing that just because someone says that they love us or that we know that we love them means that they only having our best interests at heart, well…this is one of the things about humanity which saddens me the most. It goes back to free will, which includes being able to decide to lie, hurt, and steal just the same as to tell the truth, care, and give.
So do I now believe that everyone is suspect and that all of life is one big heartache waiting to happen? Nope. I just think that we have to be wise in choosing what we do and who we do it with. I believe that life is not as simple as black and white, that we do not owe it to anyone to allow them to hurt us (even if they are related to us), that it’s okay to be imperfect, that there’s nothing wrong with believing that there are people/things out there which do not have good intentions (but to also believe that there are those that do). I guess what this rather long post is all about is this:
While I’m still full of love and faith in humanity, I have come to the conclusion that some people truly are mean spirited, ill-intentioned assholes, and that we can’t love or pretend all of existence into perfection no matter how much we might wish otherwise. In addition…I’m perfectly okay with feeling that way. I just think that it’s time that we allow ourselves to feel what we feel…to believe what we see with our eyes instead of what we’ve been told that we should…that we live using both our mind and our heart…that we feel okay about questioning…that we see ourselves as neither just human or spirit, but gloriously both.