How many of us have been involved in relationships, romantic or platonic, in which we’ve allowed ourselves to be relegated to the bottom of the heap? First off, let me say that I am a big fan of people having their own lives and interests. I have interests of my own and things which I like to do independently, and to have someone hovering around me constantly is one of the things which would cause me to bolt the fastest…I mean really…I’m a writer, artist, and intuitive…can we say person who needs her alone time? I wanted to get that out of the way so that where I’m coming from is clear.
For this post, I mean relationships which are predominantly what works best for only one of the parties involved. Relationships in which you are expected to be available and open to the whims of the other person, to be loyal and understanding, to be open in the sharing of yourself, and to lay your heart open in love and trust while the other person gives little to nothing of themselves in return. Over the past few years, I’ve removed myself from the company of several people and know that I will continue this process…likely for the rest of my life.
For a long time, I placed the blame on myself…wondered what it was about me or what I might be doing wrong in order to attract this sort of person into my life. Why in the world do we do this to ourselves? Having a person enter our lives who takes advantage of our kindness…hmm…isn’t that on them and not us? It’s time to stop trying to blame ourselves. We might feel upset about the other person’s treatment of us, but as long as we are looking for our flaw, we are basically making excuses for them.
If I were only a better girlfriend, maybe he wouldn’t be so emotionally unavailable. If I were more fun, maybe she would want to do stuff that I like once in a while. If I were more successful in my life, maybe my parent(s) wouldn’t treat me as if I were such a disappointment. You know what? Screw all of that! Take all negative self talk and throw it out. If you’ve done something which you know isn’t your best, then work on that, but for goodness sake…do not try to excuse someone else’s bad behavior at your own expense.
All relationships are a little one-sided at times. All of us go through times in our lives when we need a little extra TLC, and being able to give and receive that is one of the joys of being in relationships with others. All I’m trying to say here, and maybe I should have just written a one lined post, is…
Don’t sell yourself short.