There are times in our lives in which we find gaping holes present where situations or people used to be. Many of us are usually in a mad rush to fill these gaps as quickly as possible…or even trying to fill them before they are even created. Though I’ve done it in the past, I’ve come to believe that some types of holes should be permitted to exist for a while. Namely, the ones left behind when relationships end. Not so much with the spaces which are held by our careers/sources of income. Those are usually wisest replaced before leaving the last behind if at all possible. So, let’s talk about the holes left behind after a relationship has ended.
It can be an unpleasant feeling to be all on your own again after being with someone for a while, even when you are the one who has ended a relationship. Really, we all know that the feeling sucks. You have had this person whom you loved in your life…and then you don’t. It can feel lonely to the point that you might even think about contacting them, despite the fact that the relationship ended for valid (hopefully) reasons. It’s difficult not having someone who plays such a large role in your life to talk to and spend time with any longer, which is why a lot of people try to fill that space as quickly as possible.
I really do believe that doing so is usually a huge mistake. How could you be sure that you weren’t simply using the new person to avoid being alone…how could you possibly have time to work through any issues which may have arisen as a result of the recently ended relationship…how could you know for sure that you were ready to be involved with someone again? While there are rare instances in which you can go straight from one relationship into another and do fine with it, I truly think that we usually need some time in between to heal…to think…to feel…to mourn the loss…to cry. That way, when we do find a new one…hopefully one which will fulfill our desires and needs from a relationship…we will be fully open and ready for it.
When we find ourselves in the midst of one of these difficult times, it can also be tempting to throw ourselves into activities to avoid our feelings. There is some wisdom in this if the feelings are too overwhelming…and if this is the case call a friend, get out of the house for a while, or find something to do to distract yourself for a while. If they aren’t too intense to handle though, it’s best to allow them to work their way through us. Sooner or later, they’ll have to be dealt with anyhow. It hurts, it’s hard, and at times it feels as though the heart will split in two. However, time will heal the pain of a breakup eventually, and hopefully there will be a relationship in the future which will BE the happy ending…some day. If you find yourself in this situation, know that you aren’t alone. There are many who are going through this right now, including myself. Let’s walk alone together for a little while shall we?