This is a state of mind/being which I wish that more people embraced more fully. There will be some who disagree with me and that’s okay. Something which I’ve said many times here at the blog and will more than likely say several more before it’s all said and done is that it’s perfectly fine with me when someone doesn’t agree with me. I am going to state my opinion here and want to make it clear that I will not engage in argument or even heated debate here. I will respectfully thank you for your opposing viewpoint without trying to convince you to agree with me. I also want to state that my mind remains open, and I know that maybe someone will give me food for thought. Okay, now that the disclaimer is out of the way…

While it’s always nice to try to find a way to be tactful about things I also feel that it’s imperative to be truthful. Example: “Does this outfit make me look fat?” If it did, of course I wouldn’t say that it did make them look fat. I would say, “Well, it doesn’t seem to be the best outfit for you”. While this might make the person feel bad initially, it’s better than letting them go out looking badly. Then again, if they choose to go out wearing it that is their decision and I hold no judgement toward them. I would like to think that they wouldn’t get so angry with me that it ended the friendship. What sort of friend would I be if I lied to them? I truly appreciate it when someone is truthful with me, even if it’s not what I want to hear. That doesn’t mean that I never get pissy about it, because I do. Eventually I come around though and am thankful for the honesty.

If there is something which I really do not wish to talk about such as if someone asked me if their spouse was cheating on them. I would simply say that I didn’t want to have the discussion and suggest that they take the matter up with their spouse. For me truthfulness isn’t about hurting anyone’s feelings. It is about living with integrity. Sometimes this isn’t the popular thing to do and I can understand both sides of the debate because this is a topic which is very personal. Am I always completely honest? No, because while truthfulness is very important to me so is compassion. I do not always make the perfect decision but I really do try.


10 thoughts on “Truthful

  1. One of my bffs is such a great saleswoman b/c she will gently tell a customer if what they've tried on doesn't look good, and will help them find something that does. She told me she'd rather not make a sale and have a repeat customer than to lie and say, 'oh that looks GREAT!' I recently lost one of my bffs b/c I was truthful with her that I thought her boyfriend was bad news (she's been arrested twice since she's been with him) and that I also thought her use of meth as a weight loss assistant was really bad. She flipped out at me, unfriended & blocked me on Facebook. I must've touched a nerve.

  2. JoJo, you don't need this person as a friend. I took myself off Facebook after the November election, the comments from both sides were angry and terrible. To me, and I am showing my age, Facebook is too much like high school. And Tracy — this is your blog and your writing is your own with your ideas and creativity.

  3. FB can be like high school for sure, but I love it and keep in touch w/ my true friends far and wide that way. I can only hope that this former friend gets the help she needs.

  4. I agree, Tracy. There have been some moments when I have caught myself saying NOT what I was thinking, and my words caught in my throat.Why? Because I couldn't bear to hurt the feelings of the person standing in front of me looking so vulnerable. (I like the examples of how to redirect in a way that avoids that. I will remember that.)And it is interesting how often we human beings (I have done this too) have put others on the spot by asking a question we don't really want the answer for. We just want to feel validated, reassured, in the right. It's hard to face it when we're not. And it's hard to be the one who confirms that our friends' actions are not what they should be, or could have been. I once had to confront a family member with behavior that was out of control and causing pain within our family. For a long time afterward, that family member would not speak to me. In that case, I knew he had to hear it, even if I was the only one willing to say it. He forgave me eventually. But I can relate to what JoJo said. Sometimes 'tough love' gets you shut out of a life you care about.

  5. I totally agree 100%. My mother always said that honor is the only thing you take with you when you die. She taught by example, even telling the truth about holiday characters, but saying it was fun to pretend anyway. I love that she taught us how to be honest, and I think it's the most important thing you can do in life.#atozchallenge, Kristen's blog:

  6. I am all about truth, but agree with being tactful and compassionate.I may disagree on the scenario with a cheating sig other/spouse, though, unless you were describing a situation where you didn't know which would make sense. Discussing those types of things can generally play into paranoia if they already have trust issues.I've always been torn on what I would do if finding out a friend was cheating on their spouse. I'd feel it was their place to talk/tell them themselves and attempt to resolve whatever issues they may have (and I would encourage them to do so), but also if the other being cheated on is a friend (or the one being cheated on and I know the spouse is cheating) then I feel I should let the other know, regardless.I guess I feel so many times that this is how people get away with lying and cheating, by others knowing being completely ambivalent and worrying more about themselves and what consequences may be involved if "doing the right thing".I'd much rather not ever be faced with the situation.

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