Last week I completely forgot about Wishcasting Wednesday because I was sick. Even though I’m still sick (sinus and ear infection) I am well enough that I remembered to check my email this morning. Anyway…this week Jamie asks: ‘What do you wish to experience’? Another fantastic question, which caused my mind to begin whirling with all sorts of things. After letting it settle and examining each thought, I could see that they all tied together into one area…which is to take all of the progress I’ve made over the past several years and put the work I’ve done on living genuinely as myself and all that entails into full swing.
As I said, I’ve made a lot of progress in doing that and have broken through all of my barriers of worry about whether others will approve. The conclusion that I’ve come to…finally…is that as far as others are concerned…it is up to them to see that I am exactly who I’ve always been when it comes to the fundamentals. Nothing has changed in my capacity to care or offer assistance to them. I’m still a goofball who loves nothing more than to get people to smile or laugh (when appropriate of course). All of the other stuff; such as my spirituality, interest in the paranormal, creativity, desire to write…nothing has changed with any of that either. The only difference between the fundamentals and the other stuff is that I’ve kept a lot of the other stuff under wraps or downplayed because I took too many negative statements and attitudes to heart.
While I still do not go around shouting a lot of things from the rooftops, I no longer keep them locked up and inactive as though they were dirty secrets. Some people may not be able to understand a writers need (not desire) to write. Others may find drawing, knitting, painting, or any other creative projects as a waste of time…as frivolous. On the topics of spirituality and interest in the paranormal…these are hot buttons for a lot of people. Yes, they are two entirely different things…the commonality is how touchy the subjects can be, and for some even interrelated. I have never been a person who needs for others to view things in the same way as I do, and I certainly do not have a need to shout all of what’s in my heart from a rooftop.
At the same time, all I’ve ever wanted is to be mutually respected. I do not wish to have to pretend to be someone else to avoid conflict. It just isn’t necessary. I’ve stopped engaging in the form of communication in which one person feels as though they are under attack. I have also stopped saying what the other person wants to hear. I’ve found that it is possible to keep your cool and firmly state my position without getting into battle in most cases and this is great. I am open to viewpoints other than my own and have always been respectful of them…even interested in many of them…which is what I have learned how to command for myself.
I suppose that I could have summed all of this up into three simple words! What do I wish to experience? Freedom, peace, and (a little bit of) magic! The beauty of it is that I am well on my way. The only thing which has changed in this quest of mine is that way in which I am choosing to handle it.